


12 Months

by kcat1971



Series: Transitions [12]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-16 17:51:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15442575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcat1971/pseuds/kcat1971
Summary: The first year goes by in the blink of an eye.





	1. November 2007

I'm both excited and a little nervous to be leaving the hospital. There's something very comforting about knowing that there are experts only a call button away. But I'm more than ready to be back in our home where we can sleep together in our own bed. I know Josh's back has to be killing him from sleeping in the reclining chair.

Josh definitely seems ready to go home. He's been bouncing around the room. Meanwhile, I'm trying to wrestle the baby into this frilly dress and tights that my Mother brought. Who puts tights on a baby?! And shoes. Does she really need shoes?

When I'm finally done, I feel about ready to pass out. I just want to sit down. Josh leans over my shoulder.

"She's freaking adorable! Can we dress her like this every day?"

"No. God. It just took me 15 minutes to get that get-up on her."

Josh grabs the camera and starts snapping pictures. A few seconds later, we hear the unmistakable sound we've both come to dread.

"Ugh. I got the last one. It's your turn." I inform Josh.

"You know it makes me queasy!" It's true. He gagged the entire time he changed the first diaper. But I don't care. Those things are nasty. And it's his turn.

Despite the gagging, he actually does fairly well with the diaper changing. But the tights are giving him fits. Finally, he just asks "Can't we just put her in a sleeper to take her home? We already got pictures of the outfit."

"Works for me." I pull a soft little one piece outfit out of the diaper bag and hand it to him. He quickly puts it on the baby, cooing to her the whole time. I'm a little amazed at how quickly he's taken to fatherhood. Not that he won't try to stick me with diaper duty whenever possible, but he's really good with Lulu. He's not intimidated or nervous. He doesn't seem scared to hold her or anything. He's a natural.

Well, he's a natural but he's also going to be the most over-protective father on the planet. We are riding in an armored SUV and he's still worried.

"Steve look out for that car. . . the light is turning yellow. . . . Are you speeding?"

" _Josh_! Leave Steve alone. His driving is fine." I glance down at Lulu. Her eyes are actually open and she's looking at Josh. She definitely recognizes his voice.

"Hey, Lulu." He coos softly. "Don't worry, I'll keep you safe."

His words melt me. With Josh around, I'm ready for anything.

. . . . .

"Backpack, Bulldog, and Bean secure." I hear Phil announce into his wrist as we walk through the door. I can't help but grin at Josh. Our baby has a secret service code name!

Josh carries Lulu's car seat straight into her room. I hang up my coat and follow behind him. When I walk into the room, he's standing facing the door grinning.

The nursery is finished.

"Oh my god, Josh! It's adorable. How did you do this?"

"We have very good friends."

I spin around slowly, taking it all in. It's exactly what I had hoped for.

Lulu's name is on the wall over her crib. The "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" prints are hung over the changing table. The over-stuffed glider that Mom bought us is in the corner, and there is a fluffy rug on the floor. The cube shelf unit under the window has her books and a few toys.

I grab Josh in a tight hug. "Thank you. I'm so relieved that it's already done. Who else do I need to thank?"

"Margaret, Sam & Ainsley and Zoey & Charlie."

I open the closet and find a few outfits hanging. The bath tub is in there too. I find more outfits in the drawers. The changing table is stocked with diapers and wipes. The yellow knit blanket from Karen is hanging over the end of the crib and the pink one from my Mom is on the back of the rocker.

Josh frowns at the yellow blanket. "We aren't supposed to put blankets in the crib. Didn't we get any of those sleep sack thingies?"

"Yes, we got some. That blanket is just for show. Or to cover the car seat. Or to snuggle with her. She'll be able to use it when she's older."

"Okay"

"Did we get any of those outlet covers? I should baby proof the house."

" _Josh!_ How's she going to stick something in an outlet? We've got time before we need to baby-proof!"

We don't have very long to ourselves before the Grandparents descend upon us. It's good that they are all staying at the same hotel. The grandmothers can coordinate their arrival and make sure that neither of them get more time with the baby than the other.

Well, at least having them here means that I can try to get something done.. I grab my laptop and head toward the dining room table.

"Donna, what are you doing over there?"

"I'm doing homework, Mom."

"Don't you want to come over here and watch the baby?"

"Has she learned something new in the last 15 minutes?"

"No but she opened her eyes and scrunched up her nose when Josh tickled her."

"I really need to finish this homework while you're all here to entertain her."

Or while she's entertaining all of you and keeping you out of my hair, I think to myself.

A few hours and a couple nursing sessions later, I'm in the kitchen getting a glass of water, when Josh comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. He leans down and whispers in my ear.

"Your Mom is hogging the baby."

I turn and look at him incredulously. That's what he whispers in my ear? Well, so much for romance. Guess it's time for some tough love.

"Josh. Suck it up. They're only going to be here a few more days."

"Yes, thank goodness. But it's my turn to hold Lulu now."

"You'll have her to yourself soon. Why don't you and my Dad go pick up some dinner for all of us, hmmm?"

On Friday morning, Josh surprises me with a birthday breakfast, including a muffin with a candle in it. I'd almost forgot. I think my parents actually did forget. Their flight leaves in a few hours, I bet they forgot when they booked it.

Josh presents me with two small wrapped boxes. "One from me and one from Lulu." He announces, grinning.

My parents look duly impressed with the blue topaz earrings and bracelet. They look less pleased when Sylvia gives me a beautiful cashmere sweater.

"We didn't . . . Sorry Honey. We were focused on the baby."

"It's okay, Mom." They usually just send a gift card anyway.

After breakfast, I find Josh in the bedroom.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?"

"I'm hiding from your Mother."

"Is this a game? Like Hide and seek?"

"No . . .?"

"Because you are acting like a child. Get out there and face the music."

"But, Donnnaaaa!"

"You're the one that insisted that they go back to the hotel last night, and then gave Lulu her first bath. You face the angry grandparents. Besides, they wouldn't have even known if you hadn't said anything."

Other than the bath fiasco, having the grandparents around has been pretty nice. They've been taking care of the diapers, and the cooking, and the cleaning. Good thing, too, because it feels like all I have time to do is nurse.

. . . .

Josh brings the wailing baby to me with an apologetic look. It's 3am and it's barely been an hour since she ate. She latches on, sucks aggressively for a few minutes, and then falls back asleep.

"Come on, Lulu! You've got to eat more. I can't do this again in an hour." I whine, tickling her feet to try to wake her up, but she's back out. She'll wake up again in an hour, hungry. Wordlessly I hand her back to Josh to put her back to bed. I cover my mouth to try to keep the sobs in, so he doesn't hear from the other room.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I've never been so tired or so achy in my life. Everyone keeps telling me breastmilk is best for Lulu but I don't feel like I'm going to survive.

I hear Josh shuffling back down the hall so I wipe the tears away and quickly roll on my side and try to act like I fell back to sleep.

He sighs and strokes the top of my head. I heard him whisper "I love you" before he rolls over to his side of the bed.

. . . .

The grandparents have all gone, Josh went in to the office so it's just me and Lulu. She likes to be held. When I'm holding her and she's not screaming, it's pretty wonderful. But I feel like I should just not even bother putting a shirt on because she wants to be attached to my breast 90% of the time. At least since Josh isn't here, I can just cry through the nursing.

Eight days down, 172 to go. I started out thinking I'd nurse for a year. But now even 6 months seems impossible. If I'm honest with myself, I have no idea how I'm going to survive the next week.

Josh said he'd try to be home by 1. But I know that he's feeling behind. And he's not getting much sleep either. And starting tomorrow, I'm going to have to get used to him being gone all day.

I try to get Lulu to burp and then latch on to the other side, but she's not interested. Part of me doesn't mind. My nipple is cracked. If she sucks on it, it's going to bleed again. I should put something on it. I should drink some water. I should put the baby in her crib. I should make something for dinner. I should do some homework. I should stop crying.

By the end of the day on Monday, I feel like I'm going to die. My breasts are as hard as rocks. Lulu is screaming, but I've used up all my tears. I feel empty inside as I nurse her. When Josh gets home he finds us on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, whimpering.

"How are my girls. . ." His cheerful greeting dies on his lips when he sees us. He scoops Lulu up and places a kiss on her forehead, then leans down and does the same to me.

"Holy Hell, Donna! You're burning up!" He takes Lulu into the bathroom with him and comes pack a few minutes later with the ear thermometer.

"102.7." He announces grimly. That's bad. But I'm sort of beyond caring. What does it matter how I feel? The baby is going to be hungry in an hour.

He looks me over silently. Probably taking in the greasy hair, and the glassy eyes and the cracked nipples that I just can't bear to stuff back into my bra. Then he takes the baby and walks out of the room. That's probably for the best.

A few minutes later I hear him on the phone.

"She's got a fever. 102.7. . . . Well, honestly, it doesn't seem to be going well. Lulu needs to eat like every hour, so Donna's not getting any real sleep. . . . I don't know let me ask her."

He pokes his head back in. "Dr. Bartlet wants to know if your breasts are hard and are there red splotches on them?"

"Yeah." I answer without looking at either him or my boobs. He goes back to his call.

"Yes. . . . Yes, they've been bleeding. . . . Okay, thanks Dr. B. I'll tell her."

I hear the water running and him rummaging in the kitchen cupboard. Then he comes back with a glass of ice water with a straw.

"Here's some Tylenol. It'll help with the pain." He hands me the pills then holds the glass so I can take a sip. Then he sets the glass down on the nightstand. "Drink all the water too."

"Where's Lulu?"

"She's in her crib. She's fine. . . . Dr. Bartlet thinks you probably have Mastitis. It's an infection in your milk ducts. She said you should call Dr. Andrews answering service. She'll want to see you first thing tomorrow. She might even prescribe an antibiotic over the phone."

"Is Lulu going to be okay?"

"Yes, but they aren't going to want her to drink your breastmilk while you're on the antibiotic . Didn't the hospital give us a bag with formula in it?"

"Yeah, it's in the closet in her room."

"We're going to have to give her that if you start taking antibiotics. Dr. Bartlet said that Dr. Andrews would give you some options if you want to try to keep nursing, but she also said to tell you that Lulu will be fine if you don't. Her girls were formula fed and turned out all right."

A few days later, Lulu makes her first visit to the White House. Josh indulges Miranda by taking Lulu to see her room.

"How are you _really_ doing?" Helen asks as I sit down gingerly.

"Much better than last week." I answer honestly.

I still don't feel great but the antibiotic has helped. I still feel a little guilty about not nursing, but Josh is loving being able to bottle feed Lulu so at least there's that. It also means that I'm getting a lot more sleep because we can take turns getting up in the night.

"Thanks for watching her. I know Josh is really excited to go out and celebrate our anniversary."

"Where are you going?"

"Phoebe's. We're having drinks, we're having dinner, we are going dancing, we are having dessert."

"Well, you look fabulous."

"It's the Spanx. Thank God I had a stretchy dress in my closet. I didn't know you still looked pregnant after you have a baby."

"Oh, Donna, there are so many things you never know, until you know. You know?"

That causes me to laugh, which then causes me to grimace a little.

"Just please tell me that, eventually, I'll feel like this is my body again."

"You will. Just whatever you do, don't have sex tonight."

I blush a little. I mean I have thought about it. It's been more than 2 weeks. That's like forever to Josh and me.

"I'm serious, Donna. There's a reason your OB told you to wait 6-8 weeks. Your body isn't ready."

The guys head into the living room with Lulu. "Say Goodbye to Mommy." Josh tells her as he places her in my arms. I give her a kiss on the forehead. I'm not sure about leaving her. And honestly, I'm surprised Josh is okay with it. But at least she's in a secure location.

"Hey," Josh says with a grin. "She just smiled at you."

I think it's just gas. But I'll take it.

Staring across the table at Josh, I almost feel normal. It's nice to see there is still a world out here. Mine has been turned upside down. But this right here is helping me regain my footing.

"Dance with me?" He offers his hand and I take it.

Swaying in his arms, I find my strength again. I can adjust to the new normal. I can handle a baby, and school, and a career. I'm Donna Moss Lyman. I've reinvented myself before and I'll do it again.

"It's been a crazy year hasn't it?" Josh whispers in my ear. "Any regrets?"

"No. It's definitely been a wild ride, but there is no one else I'd want to do it with. We're better together."

The song ends and he guides me back to the table.

"We sure are. We made a pretty adorable baby."

"Speaking of which, I'm going to text Helen and see how she's doing." I pull out my phone and shoot her a text. I hope she sees it right away.

Ten minutes go by, then I get a text from Helen, which I repeat to Josh. "Everything's fine here. Have fun."

He grins at me and takes my hand. "Someday we'll go back to Hawaii to celebrate our anniversary, but," he pulls a small box out of his pocket, "hopefully, this is good enough for now. Thanks for saying yes. You've made me the happiest man in the world."

"Josh!" I gasp as I open it. It's a stunning blue topaz ring. I feel like I should protest. It's too much. He just gave me earrings and a bracelet for my birthday. But his smile is so wide, I can't possibly say anything negative.

"It's gorgeous. Thank you." He slips it on my finger and I can't help my smile as I stare at it. Now I feel kind of stupid. There's a tie waiting for him at home. Maybe I can get out and get him something better while he's at work tomorrow.

"I didn't really get you anything."

"Donna! You put up with me for a whole year. You just gave me a baby! I don't need anything but the two of you and the promise you'll never leave."

"I'll never leave. You don't have to bribe me with jewelry, Josh."

"I'm not bribing you! I like giving you jewelry! I like seeing you wearing something I gave you."

"Well tell you what, sometime soon, I'll surprise you when you come home, and the jewelry will be the only thing I'm wearing."

Josh's eyebrows shoot up his forehead and he swallows hard. I can tell he's imagining it. "Yeah, that'd be a good present."

"I'd say let's do it tonight . . . but Helen told me that we shouldn't have sex tonight." I expect Josh to look surprised, or puzzled or something.

"Yeah, Matt told me the same thing. It was really odd. It's not like I raised the topic or anything."

"Me neither! She just volunteered it. And it came across almost like an order."

"Seriously. Matt was the same. They must have planned it."

"Well," I wiggle my eyebrows at him, "we don't HAVE to listen to them about this." I don't really feel sexy but I've never liked being told what to do, and it is our anniversary. But Josh is vehemently shaking his head no.

"Matt kind of over-shared. He said they didn't wait long enough. He said it was agony for Helen and he's always felt really guilty about it. God knows I want you, but I can't even bear the though of hurting you like that. We need to wait until the doctor says its okay AND you really feel up to it. No matter how long that takes."

I scoot my chair closer to him so I can lean into his ear and whisper suggestively- "There are parts of my body that don't hurt at all. There's still something we can do . . . "

Josh gets a slow grin and flags down the waitress.

"We'll take dessert to go."


	2. December 2007

"She smiled at me Uncle Josh! Yes, she did. Didn't you Lulu? I'm your favorite cousin, aren't I?"

Carly is crazy for Lulu. I can't say I blame her. My daughter is the most amazing child ever born. And now that she's smiling, no one is immune to her charms. Even Donna's Dad, who I don't think held her for more than 5 seconds last month, is anxiously waiting his turn to hold her. Carly hasn't wanted to leave Lulu's side. It's a good thing her other Grandparents did Christmas on Saturday or Sean and Becky might have had a hard time getting Carly to visit them. We are spending 4 full days in Wisconsin, as crazy as that seems. We are breaking the 3-day Rule that Julie suggested, but the way Christmas falls on a Tuesday, it sort of feels like we have to. We got here around lunch time Saturday, before anyone else arrived. It was nice for Donna's parents to have at least part of a day with just us and Lulu. Julie and Finn spent Saturday with her folks before driving down and arriving Sunday morning after Church. I think that was strategic on their part.

We caused quite the uproar in church yesterday. In hindsight, it might not have been a good idea to introduce Lulu to her cousins and Aunts and Uncles 5 minutes before the service started. There was a lot of whispering during the singing, until finally Donna handed me the baby and said- "Go find the nursery."

We caused a pretty big scene leaving the row with two secret service agents trailing behind us, but hey, at least I didn't have to sit through the sermon. I found the nursery and a pleasant looking woman offered to take my baby so I could go back into the service. Was she freaking crazy? Why on earth would I willingly hand over my baby to a complete stranger? You'd have to pry her out of my cold, dead, hands, and the two men in black behind me are here to prevent that from happening. Somehow I managed to bite my tongue from that retort and instead explained that I'd be keeping my baby, I was just looking for a rocking chair. She pointed me a couple doors down and I found an unoccupied room labeled "the cry room." It had a TV on the wall tuned into what was happening in the auditorium. I was disappointed to discover I couldn't change the channel to CNN, but at least I was able to turn the volume off. Lulu and I enjoyed an hour to ourselves and I'm glad we had it, because I'm not getting to hold her very much since the family arrived.

Donna is off in another room doing homework. She's pretty serious about getting her degree, and I'm really proud of her. She was able to get two independent study classes completed while pregnant. And now, while having a newborn, she's just started the third class. Now that she's not nursing around the clock, she said she's finding moments to get more done. She truly amazes me. But right now, I think she might just be avoiding her family.

I don't mind holding down the fort with the baby and her family whether she's actually working or just pretending. Finn and I left the den shortly after the topic turned to local politics. It's just the smart thing to do. I always listen as long as I can, because it's good to know what the other side is thinking, but I can only keep silent for so long at some of the crazy ideology.

We poke our heads into the living room, which is pretty quiet.

"Hi boys," Lottie greets us. "Bella and Becky took the kids off to choir practice. We'll see them at church tonight. Kate is down for a nap." I see that Lulu is asleep too, so I reach for her, but Lottie doesn't want to give her up yet.

"I'll take her upstairs and put her in the pack-n-play and check up on Donna." She offers. I reluctantly agree. My ability to share is definitely being stretched by this visit. "I laid out a buffet before the kids left. Why don't you get some lunch?"

Well, I may have to share my baby. But at least the food is amazing.

"So Josh, you seem to be taking to parenthood well. Though I have to say I'm surprised you let Lottie take Lulu upstairs without following her." Julie laughs.

"Are you suggesting that I'm over-protective?" I volley back. I don't really care, I personally think there is no such thing.

Julie laughs again. "No, you remind me of Finn when Marco was first born. I think there's hope for you."

"Well, I'll take that as a compliment. Finn's a pretty good Dad."

"Thanks." Finn chuckles. "So you mastered the pack-n-play?"

"No, actually, I haven't had to. Your Mom already had the one here set up. And Dr. Bartlet already had one set up at the Farm for Thanksgiving last month. So I haven't had any reason to put one up."

"You guys really spent Thanksgiving at the Bartlet's Farm? I thought that was just an excuse to get out of coming here." Julie teases.

"We did. It was a little crazy flying with a two and a half week old, but the Secret Service really would rather we go there than have the Bartlets come to DC. And Grandpa Jed said if we didn't come for Thanksgiving they were coming down the next weekend."

"Grandpa Jed?!" Finn parrots, astonished.

"I'm still getting used to it myself, but they are persistently referring to themselves that way. They said we are in big trouble if Lulu calls them Sir and Ma'am when she starts talking."

Finn and Julie are both just sort of shaking their heads in disbelief. "You really do live in an alternate reality, Josh."

It would probably blow their minds if I told them that Aunt Helen and Tio Matt were Lulu's first babysitters.

Christmas Eve Service proves to be less tricky than yesterday morning. Donna decks Lulu out in a fancy outfit. It's a long sleeve white onesie embroidered with "First Christmas Eve" on it, a fancy fluffy skirt that alternates red, white and green tulle, green leggings, white socks with ruffles and black patent leather shoes. And she's got a headband with a giant bow that is red with white polka dots. She really is freaking adorable!

Donna and her Mom show Lulu off for a bit, then I make my way to the cry room with her. Now that she's on formula, Lulu's doing a lot better eating on a schedule. She makes it about 4 hours between meals. We like to feed her around 8pm, then Donna goes to bed between 9 and 10, and I get the midnight feeding before I go to sleep. Then Donna gets up for the 4am feeding. This way we are both getting at least 5 solid hours in a row. Turning the volume up on the TV for the singing part, I sing along softly on the choruses that I know. Lulu seems to enjoy the music. She falls asleep after I burp her, so I make my way back to the family row in time to catch the tail end of the sermon, which from what I remember, sounds a lot like last year. But I'm there in time to hold Donna's hand and sing silent night, which all in all is not a bad family tradition.

I must admit that when we get home I'm looking forward to seeing what the Christmas Pajamas are this year. Once I found out that, now that Sean owns the insurance agency he doesn't include the extended family on the Company Christmas cards, I'm a little less nervous about having the family picture taken. Basically it's just for Lottie's scrapbook.

Sure enough the pajamas are laid out on the desk. It looks like this years theme is stripes. Lulu has a fuzzy zip up pair that is red and white stripes with green trim. Donna and I have matching outfits, green striped bottoms, with solid green tops, with red cuffs. I hope they aren't as tight fitting as they look.

"So after she eats at midnight, should I change her into these? Or at you going to do it in the morning?" I need my marching orders.

"You can do it then. I've got a spare pair in case she has a blow out or something." Of course she does. I can always count on Donna to be prepared.

"What about us?"

Donna undresses slowly while my mouth waters. Once she's down to just her lacy red underwear, she climbs into bed. "I'm putting mine on in the morning." She tells me with a cheeky smile.

She's been starting to send me signals about resuming sexual activity. It's been seven and a half weeks. Yes. I am counting. Thank God she has a doctor's appointment on Friday. I hope we get the all clear. I hope she's ready. I really miss sex. But there's no way that I'm interested in trying anything in her parent's house with the baby in a pack-n-play in the same room. I don't think Donna really wants to try anything tonight either. She just likes to torment me.

Once I've showered in the morning, I put my pajamas on with a shake of my head. The things I'll do for this family! Thank God my pajama bottoms aren't as tight as Donna's. Although, I really do like how tight Donna's are. They show off her curves very nicely.

"C'mere." I grab her and pull her close. "Merry Christmas." I give her a long kiss as my hands run over her ass. Yes, I really do like these.

Lulu makes an "ah-ah" sound and I force myself to let go of Donna. "Hey, baby girl. Good morning!" I tell her brightly and I'm rewarded by an "oooing."

"I tell you Donna, she's going to be an early talker. She's a few weeks ahead on these noises."

Donna just nods. She's not quite as convinced as I am that Lulu is brilliant. On the way down the stairs, I whisper to Lulu. "We'll show her won't we?"

Lottie gets our picture in front of the fireplace, then hands Lulu off to Jim for the morning bottle. It's kind of nice that Donna and I get to eat breakfast at the same time. And Lottie has those gooey caramel cinnamon things again. Those are really good.

After breakfast, I take my girls back upstairs to change. There is a lot I'll do for this family, but letting Sean and Bob see me in these pajamas is not one of them. At least Finn is in the same boat.

I'm really happy when Donna hands me blue jeans and a solid navy sweater.

When I'm done changing, I take Lulu and sit on the bed to watch Donna change. Lulu's outfit is very similar to yesterday's. In fact it's the same skirt. But today she's got red leggings on, and a red onesie that has "First Christmas" embroidered in white. And her headband and bow are green. I love it.

Donna is putting on the green Cashmere sweater that my Mom gave her for Hanukkah. I love how her eyes look with it. I can't believe I didn't ever notice how much they change color depending on what she's wearing. Lulu's eyes are still blue. Donna says they will probably change, and they could even end up brown. But I really hope she get's Donna's eyes.

It isn't long before everyone arrives and starts to gather in the living room.

I'm bouncing in my seat waiting for the gift exchange to start. This is my favorite part of Christmas with the Mosses. And Lulu gets to go first this year! I feel a little bad for Kate- she's never going to get a turn to be first. But at ten and a half months old she's probably going to enjoy this Christmas more than Lulu any way. So far, Kate is enthralled with Lulu, as long as Julie or Finn aren't holding her. They might want to wait a while before thinking about a third.

Once everyone is finally settled, I carry Lulu to the tree and pick out her present for Grandma. We sit nearby as Lottie opens it. She "oohs and ahhs" appropriately, it's a photo frame with plaster casts of Lulu's hand and foot on one side and a picture of Jim and Lottie holding Lulu on the other. It's a touch cheesy, but Donna was right, from the tears in her Mom's eyes, I'd say she loves it.

I always thought that Italian mothers were supposed to be all warm and nurturing, but Lottie Moss is mostly sharp wit and direct looks. I see bits of her in Donna but those bits are tempered by Donna's warmness and genuine concern for people. Observing Donna with her mother, now that Donna's a mother, is enlightening. It is pretty clear to me that Lottie loves her family, it's just her way of showing it isn't really what Donna craves. Lottie is about working hard, projecting the right image and doing the right things. Donna definitely does all those things, partially because of her desire to please her parents, but Donna really just wants someone to love her unconditionally, which is why she loves my Mother so much. My Mother adopted her and loved on her and built her up long before it looked like anything would happen between Donna and I.

At first when I found out that Donna had been talking to my mother every week for years, I felt a big boost to my ego. I thought it was evidence of how much Donna loved me. But eventually I realized that it was proof of how well my Mother loved Donna, and how much Donna loves her. I really must be the most blessed man in the world to have such amazing women in my life. My daughter is going to have plenty of great role models to follow. And I'll even admit that Lottie Moss is one of them.

Hanukkah really was nice. Just my Mom, Donna, Lulu and I in our cozy apartment. Mom insisted on staying on the pull-out so that she didn't miss a minute. Donna and I were both thrilled to have her there to light the candles, say the prayers and sing the songs. Mom taught Donna how to make potato latkes, so total bonus there. And Mom was rewarded with some of Lulu's first smiles, not that we are sharing that information with Donna's parents.

As nice as the quiet of Hanukkah was, I'm completely enjoying the mass hysteria that seems to be the typical Moss Family Christmas. I haven't been paying much attention to the present opening, but Lulu seems to be absorbing everything, now that she can follow objects.

It's no surprise when Carly picks Lulu to give her first gift to. Lulu's face lights up as Carly coos at her. Kate squeals across the room and Anna reaches for her and settles her on her lap saying "Don't worry, I'll get you next, baby girl."

Carly unwraps Lulu's present and shakes it in front of her face. Lulu smiles and babbles and Carly is thrilled. It is a cute little wooden rattle. I'm always impressed how well Carly does getting little gifts on her own.

Aiden and Liam do their normal gift exchange next. Apparently this year they both wanted new baseball gloves.

Anna keeps her word to Kate and presents her with a brightly wrapped package. Kate is much more interested in the bow than actually opening it so Anna helps her. The box has some cute little plastic people in it. Kate grasps one and starts gnawing on it.

Next Conor gives Marco some Legos and it's just in time. Marco was getting impatient. But he's still doing really well. He's grown so much just since Easter. It's hard to see these guys only twice a year.

I hope the kids aren't disappointed by their gifts this year. I wanted to get them all cell phones. That idea was quickly shot down. Then I wanted to upgrade their Ipods. Apple just came out with one that is a touch screen and has internet capabilities. I got shot down on that too. Allegedly, they are too expensive for us to give them. I don't understand that logic at all.

When we sat down with the lists to do some online shopping and I kept pointing out that we weren't going to be the cool Aunt and Uncle any more, Donna just laughed at me and said, "I warned you about this when you set the standard so high last year."

On her turn, Donna gives Carly her present. She opens it and squeals immediately.

"Josefina! Thank you, Thank you!" Carly gives Donna a gentle hug, being careful of Lulu, but then throws herself into my arms for a bear hug.

"Thank you, Uncle Josh! I mean Gracias!"

Well I'm thrilled she seems to like it. I had my doubts about buying a doll for an 11 year old. But Donna explained that Carly is really into these collectible American Girl dolls, and once she showed me the website I have to agree they are pretty neat.

I mean to some extent the dolls look all alike, but they are trying for diversity and the books seem at least somewhat historically accurate. Anything that gets kids interested in history is okay with me. The doll that Carly wanted this year is Latina, so that makes it even more special. I wonder if Miranda and Peter influenced this at all? Carly is grinning, so that's what really counts. Maybe we do retain our status.

On my turn, I hand Anna a box. She opens it carefully, then gets a big grin on her face too.

"Thanks, Uncle Josh!"

Bob rolls his eyes at the blue suede boots, but that's not my problem.

During Round 2, Lulu gets a really cute dress from Bella. I have no idea when she'll ever wear it, but it _is_ adorable. She also gets a stack of board books from Finn and Julie and the kids. Now, those we'll use!

Donna and I use our turns to give Aiden and Liam their gifts. It's double the excitement each time. Liam is thrilled when Aiden opens Major League Baseball 2k7 and Aiden is thrilled when Liam opens MVP07 NCAA Baseball. It's pretty cool that they are so close and they like the same thing. I barely remember my cousins' names.

At noon, Lulu and Kate are both getting a little fussy. Donna hands Lulu off to me, while she heads to the kitchen to fix a bottle. Julie follows behind to find a snack for Kate. Lottie and Jim finish off Round 2 by giving Bella and Bob "Coffee of the Month." We had that last year. It's a good gift.

"Okay. Lunch Break." Lottie announces when Donna comes back with the bottle.

"Can I?" Lottie asks gently. For all her rough edges, she really does love this baby. There's really no chance I'll say no.

"Of course." I transfer Lulu into her arms and place a kiss on her forehead. Then Donna hands her Mom the bottle.

In the kitchen, Donna helps herself to a big bowl of Wedding Soup, while I make myself a Roast Beef sandwich. She raises her eyebrows at the pile of cookies on my plate. I'll run extra tomorrow.

Lulu and Kate sleep through the rest of the gift exchange. Conor seems pleased with the Rock Band game for his Play Station. And then also gives me a genuine smile when he opens the JFK Biography that I picked out. He doesn't say much when his Dad and Grandfather are talking politics, but based on the questions he asked while he was with us, I think Conor's a Democrat who just doesn't know it yet. He definitely has his own ideas, even if he's not quite ready to share them in a house full of Republicans. I really hope I can convince him to come to college in DC.

. . . .

"It was a really good day. Wasn't it?" Donna asks as she snuggles next to me in the bed.

"Oh yeah, Wine of the Month, baby! We hit the jackpot."

Donna giggles, but then I get serious for a minute.

"I really do like your family."

Sure, sometimes her Mom does drive us both a bit crazy, and listening to Jim, Sean and Bob talk politics raises my blood pressure, but at the end of the day, they do love each other, and that's the most important thing.

"They're your family now too. No getting out of it. You're connected by DNA."

I glance over at Lulu sleeping. I don't ever want out of this family. It's filled a hole in my life that I used to barely acknowledge existed.

"Thanks, baby. Merry Christmas."

"Love you. You getting the first shift?"

"Yep. It's almost 11. Lulu will probably need to eat in about an hour. I'll just read until then. After all, I've got this biography of Ronald Reagan that Sean so thoughtfully gave me."


	3. January 2008

I'm not going to lie. The first day back to work has been more of an adjustment than I expected it to be.

Maternity leave was a whirlwind. A week long visit from both sets of parents. Recovering from the birth itself. Thanksgiving at the farm. Getting into a parenting rhythm with Josh. Having Mom with us for another week for Hanukkah. Then Christmas with my parents.

In between all that, doing as much schoolwork as humanly possible, plus spending a decent amount of time every day responding to email inquiries and phone calls from my staff.

And getting to know my baby. Smelling her freshly washed hair. Feeling her little fingers wrapped around mine. Studying her eyes while I fed her. Coming to the realization that my body just didn't embrace nursing. Trying not to feel like a failure. Then finally understanding that Lulu would be better off getting nutrition from a bottle rather than the breast of a woman who felt like she was going to snap any minute.

Falling even more in love with Josh because I'm seeing him in a completely new way. Fatherhood suits him.

Sure, it flew by, but I thought I was ready to go back to work. I figured I'd go back the day after New Year's. But Helen insisted that I take the rest of the week off. That stretched my maternity leave to 9 weeks. I'm glad I had the few extra days.

Lulu is still only sleeping 4 hour stretches at a time. Last night, Josh took the midnight shift as normal. But then he took the next shift too. Eight hours of sleep in a row felt miraculous. Getting up early for work wasn't quite as hard as I had imagined it would be. God, I love that man.

Nicole was there ready and waiting when we arrived at the Residence this morning. I'm glad I helped Helen vet nannies for Peter and Miranda. The initial security clearance had already been completed, so it made it much easier. Helen thought Nicole was a good choice for Lulu. The reason Helen hadn't hired her is that she's a little bit younger than the other two and she doesn't speak Spanish. I'm not worried about either of those for Lulu. Nicole has a degree in Early Childhood Education and was the assistant manager of a daycare center before she applied for the White House position. I'm hoping she's with us for a long time.

But as much as I love Nicole and am convinced she's exactly what we need, it was still incredibly hard to walk out of the Residence and head to Senior Staff.

The wild look in Josh's eyes didn't help either. I can't even imagine what we would have been like if we'd had to leave her in a different building. The whole way to his office Josh kept chanting, "we can see her at lunch, we can see her at lunch," under his breath. I was surprised by his reaction. He's been spending full days away from her since she was a week old. I thought he was used to it.

I was really glad when Helen came into my office with a report that Lulu had taken her bottle and was playing with the activity gym when she left. We managed to make the rest of our staff meeting about work, and getting me back up to speed, but it was easier knowing that Lulu was doing okay.

My new deputy, Jamie, did a great job in my absence, so I don't feel like I'm incredibly behind. But still, there was plenty to do to keep me busy. The three hours have gone by very quickly.

Helen pops into my office, and I glance at the clock. 12:30.

"I'm heading back up to the Residence. You coming?"

"Yes! Definitely."

I'm only a little surprised to find Josh sitting in the rocker with a sleeping Lulu in his arms.

"Hey," I whisper. "You beat me up here."

"Yeah," he looks a little sheepish. "I cut my 11 o'clock short. I wanted to give her the noon bottle so that I could hold her while she naps."

"J _osh_. You know you really should put her in the crib. She's supposed to get use to sleeping on her own."

"I know. But it's so relaxing. You know, holding my sleeping baby is probably really good for my blood pressure."

Oh. Sneaky. He's got me and he knows it. I can tell from the little smirk.

"Alright. But it's been half an hour hasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then, put her in the crib and let's have lunch."

He reluctantly puts her in the crib, then follows Helen and I to the kitchen. Helen quickly pulls out sandwich stuff and some potato salad. I cringe a little. I still have a little baby weight hanging around. I need to get back to my salads and yogurt or I'm never going to get rid of it. I need to make time for some yoga or something too.

I end up making a Turkey Sandwich, at least the lettuce and tomato are healthy, and cutting it in half. I give Josh his share along with a large scoop of potato salad. He wolfs those down and stands up.

"I need to get back. I've got a one o'clock."

After he leans down and kisses me, I hand him an apple. "For later." I hope he'll eat it. I don't know how healthy he's been eating at lunch the last couple months.

When I finish my sandwich, I head back upstairs to the COS Room. Lulu is still sleeping peacefully. Nicole is in the sitting room reading.

"Do you need something Mrs. Lyman?"

"No, Lulu is still sleeping. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going back to my office. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll leave the daily sheet in her diaper bag."

I'm going to try to be back up here before 5 when she leaves, but it's probably not realistic. And it's not fair to have her stay longer, she's already working 10 hour days from 7-5. Helen or one of her nannies will take over until I'm done with work. If this doesn't work out, we'll have to hire a second nanny.

. . . . .

"Hey, you're pretty quiet over there." Josh says stretching his hand across Lulu's car seat to stroke the back of my neck. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking about how this first week has gone. I'm really looking forward to the weekend." I give him a smile. "What about you? How do you feel about all of this?"

"It's been really nice to see you and Lulu at lunch again. And I really like riding with you in the car. Lulu seems fine with Nicole. How do you feel about it?"

"The first day it was harder to leave her than I expected, but it's gotten easier each day this week. I'm excited to be back at work, but I do miss my naps!" I laugh a little. It's been an on-going joke. I really didn't nap very often while on maternity leave, but he had surprised me one day by coming home early and found Lulu and I both napping and he's teased me about it ever since.

When we get home, Josh manages the car seat and his back pack while I get my brief case and the diaper bag, which to Josh's delight, is also a backpack. Five days in, we're getting the hang of it. As soon as we're in the door, Josh sets the car seat on the floor while we both take off our coats and hang them on the tree rack. We leave his backpack and my brief case by the desk and he takes Lulu and her backpack to her room. She's still sleeping from the 10 minute car ride, hopefully she'll wake up soon.

A few minutes later, Lulu starts to squeak. I'm glad she's awake. I was afraid the car rides might interfere with her sleep schedule but today was the first day she actually fell asleep on the way home.

"I got her. You change."

Josh smiles at me and pulls his tie off. "You'll miss the show."

I just roll my eyes and slap his ass as I walk by. When I walk into Lulu's room, I'm rewarded by a bright smile. She's a happy baby. I was really worried the first week, but the crying just turned out to be hunger. Now that we've got that solved, we are fast friends.

"Aren't we baby doll?" I ask her as I unbuckle her and lift her out of the car seat. "Should we see if Daddy's really putting on a show?"

No show. Josh is already in the kitchen, checking the crockpot. "This smells good. What is it?"

"Beef Stroganoff, no mushrooms. Can you start a pot of water boiling for some noodles? And turn the oven on for the rolls."

"Sure."

Lulu watches him like she always does. When he turns back around from the stove, Josh tickles her belly and she gives him a big grin.

"How's my baby girl?" He picks up her hand a blows a raspberry in her palm and she laughs. Josh and I both immediately laugh back.

"She laughed!" He chortles, pleased with himself, and her for learning something new ahead of schedule.

"So what did you do today, Miss Lulu?" He asks her in all seriousness. He often talks to her like she's an adult. She studies him for a minute. Then grins when he makes a silly face at her.

"The daily sheet is in the bag."

Josh trots off to get it and Lulu and I follow him, then sit on the couch.

"Let's see. You drank your bottles and napped on time. Good girl. You played with the activity gym. You held your head up during tummy time. Excellent. And Miss Nicole read you 10 stories! Outstanding. Then you got a bottle from Auntie Helen and Miranda held you for a while. Well. That sounds like a very productive day. You get a gold star!"

When he's done, Lulu who had been listening intently, begins to babble. Josh acts like they are having a conversation.

"Well, now. You don't say."

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

"No, not tomorrow, you'll see Miss Nicole again on Monday."

"Well, I'm glad to be home too."

The oven beeps to let me know it's preheated, so I hand Lulu off to Josh. I stick the rolls in and check to see if the water is boiling for the noodles. I can hear him continue talking to Lulu like she's his favorite person in the whole world. And I guess she is. It's a good thing I don't get jealous easily.

While the rolls are baking, I whip up a basic salad. Then stick the noodles in, and pull the plates out. I contemplate wine for a minute, but it has a lot of calories. I think we'd better stick to water. Josh can have a beer if he wants.

Once I get everything out to the table, I call Josh over.

"This is really good!" He exclaims after the first bite.

"Don't sound so surprised!" I tease him. But I know what he means. He's not an adventurous eater and this is something new for him.

"I thought you'd like it. It's just chunks of beef in a sour cream gravy. I left the mushrooms out. There's nothing you don't like in there."

"Do we have more in the freezer?" That's a pretty high compliment, coming from him.

"Yep. But we are out of casseroles."

"Thank god!"

I have to agree. My Mom stocked our freezer with quite a lot of them the week she was here. They were handy while I was overwhelmed with baby, work and school but there were several that Josh just didn't like at all. There were a couple I wasn't a big fan of either. But the lasagna was good.

"I made a bunch of crock pot freezer meals last week. We just have to remember to pull them out of the freezer the night before, then stick them in the crock pot before we leave for work. There are a few of these Beef Stroganoffs and some other kinds I think you'll like."

"Like what?"

"Cranberry Chicken, Beef Stew, Hamburger Soup, White Bean Chicken Chili."

"Those all sound good. Eating as a family is nice. Thanks, baby."

I watch him eat for a few minutes. Holding Lulu with one arm, manning his fork with the other.

"Hey, you could go pro at that."

"What?" He looks confused.

"One-armed eating. We could put her in the Moses basket, you know."

He looks sheepish. "I don't really want to give her up. There's not that much time with her after I get home."

I can't help but beam at him. He really is a good Dad.

"I know. She's fine like that."

Once dinner is over Josh hands me Lulu, so he can clear the table. He even rinses the dishes and puts them in the dishwasher.

"What should I do with the left overs?"

"Wrap them up. Maybe one of us will eat them for lunch tomorrow." Probably not. We usually end up throwing leftovers away but I can't seem to stop myself from putting them in the fridge for a few days first.

When he's done, he reaches for Lulu making the grabby sign with his hands. "My turn."

I can't help but chuckle as I hand her over. "Okay. I'll get her bath ready."

I set up her bathtub in the guest bathroom. After I fill it with water, I add the floating duck thermometer. Josh won't put her in the water unless the temperature is perfect. I set the lavender baby wash out, along with a couple wash clothes and a fluffy baby towel. I can hear Josh reading _If You Give A Moose A Muffin_ to Lulu in the living room.

We've got this night time ritual down. Books, Bath, Bottle, Bed. I hope the routine sticks.

"Okay, READY!" I holler.

Josh finishes the story then says, "Bath time, baby girl."

Lulu loves her bath. She kicks her feet, squeals and smiles pretty much the whole time. Josh and I have goofy grins on our faces too. It's just a really great family time.

When she's done, I wrap her up in the fluffy towel and carry her into her room to get her diaper and pajamas on, while Josh puts the bath stuff away.

"You're getting so big Lulu! Here's your feet. Here's your legs. Here's your hand. Here's your arm. Here's your face." I plant a big kiss on her forehead once she's dressed and move to the rocking chair.

"What should we read tonight? Where the Wild Things Are? Good choice."

Josh fixes the bottle while I'm reading and bring it into me. He kisses Lulu on the forehead, then kisses me. "Goodnight my pretty girls."

He heads back into the living room to do a little reading while I finish putting Lulu to bed. Then it's adult time.

At 8:30, I walk back into the living room, standing in the doorway a few minutes just observing Josh. He's reading a memo a pen between his teeth. After a few minutes, he pulls it out and scrawls some notes in the margin. Then he glances up and sees me standing there. He tosses the memo aside and opens his arms.

Seconds later I'm falling into them, making myself comfortable on his lap.

"Hey." His voice is husky and his eyes are smoky.

"Hey." I return.

Then he kisses me.

It doesn't take long for things to escalate, we've got eight weeks to make up for. My hands are in his hair, and his are working on getting my shirt off. Once he's accomplished that I feel him move to the zipper on my skirt, I reach for the bottom of his sweater, but he growls and tips me over on to the couch, yanking the skirt down my legs as he does. He tosses it to the floor and then rolls on top of me, taking my face in his hands and kissing me breathless.

But now theres a folder poking me in the back. "Bedroom?" I suggest.

He looks down at me with hungry eyes. Then he stands up and scoops me up. "Josh! Your back!"

"Shhh. I've got you." And he does. His arms are strong. And his stomach is flatter than it's been in a while. I guess all that running and healthy eating is really paying off.

"My man!" I grin up at him and he smirks back. Then tosses me on the bed.

"Get naked." He orders.

"Really, no preamble, just straight to it?" I tease.

"Please . . . get . . . naked." He half groans, half whines.

Now, I'm feeling playful. "The baby is in bed. We've got the whole weekend in front of us. No need to rush things. You're kind of over-dressed. I think you have a few things to remove to catch up."

Josh quickly pulls his sweater off, letting it fall on the floor. Then he unbuttons his jeans, yanks the zipper down and lets them fall to his ankles. He immediately steps out of them.

Standing there in his undershirt, boxers and socks, he crosses his arms in front of him and tries to look stern.

"There. We're even. Your turn."

"Wow babe, that's a pretty sexy look you've got going on there." I harass him. But then I lay back against the pillows and lift one leg and start slowly rolling down the thigh-hi stocking that I'm wearing.

Josh groans and crawls up the bed, then he takes my hands and puts them at my side. "Since you want to play games. Keep your hands right there. I'll take care of the stockings."

He slowly peels the stocking down my leg, placing feather light kisses on the skin he reveals. He does the same with the other legs and soon I'm whimpering.

Then he stops.

"Joosshh" I whine.

"Uh, uh. You said we had to be even." He slowly takes off his socks. Then raises an eyebrow at me and wads them up and tosses them in the hamper. Then he runs his finger up and down my inner thigh, causing goosebumps to break out all over my body.

Then he stops again.

" _Josh_ ," I moan.

"You know. Since you said we aren't in a hurry, maybe I should just pick up all our clothing. I know how you hate it when I leave stuff on the floor." He gets up and I start to sit up. But he gently pushes me back down. Then he leans over and gives me a long kiss. When I start to wrap my arms around him, he pulls back.

"Nope. Keep your hands right there. Be a good girl, and don't move."

Then he walks out of the room, leaving me aching for more. Who's stupid idea was it to go slow?

He comes back with my skirt and blouse. He drops the blouse into the hamper . Then he come back to me and traces the edge of my panties across my hips. He smirks as he walks to the closet to hang the skirt up, then comes back to me to plant a gently kiss on my belly button.

After that he puts his clothes away. Then he takes off his undershirt. My breath catches at the sight of his chest and his abs. He's really looking good. I bite my lip, hoping to entice him into further action.

It doesn't fail. He drops the boxers.

"Well, now. Looks like you have some catching up to do." He says as he stalks toward me.


	4. February 2008

Lulu's cry wakes me up. Donna and I bolt upright at the same time and throw the covers off to get to her. Donna's confused look makes me pause and glance at the clock. It's 5:15.

This is around the time I get up every day, but Lulu is normally sleeping. My heart starts to thump harder. What's wrong with my baby?!

I hurry to the nursery where Donna is lifting Lulu out of the crib. Donna looks confused but not panicked.

"What's wrong with Lulu?" I ask as I reach for her.

Donna gives me a weird look. "I imagine she's hungry or needs a diaper change. We've been doing this for 3 months now, I thought you understood that."

"Didn't she eat at 4?"

"I didn't get up at 4." Now Donna looks a little more concerned. "Didn't you get up at 4?"

"No."

"Oh my poor baby!" Donna coos to Lulu. "Have you been crying this whole time. I'm so sorry I didn't hear you."

"Donna, we would have heard her! I think she just slept longer. Didn't you baby girl?"

Lulu stops fussing for a second to look at me then starts to cry again.

"Grab a bottle." Donna tells me. I grab one from under the changing table. I love these ready made bottles. They are room temperature so they don't have to be heated. Just twist the top off, twist on a nipple, and it's good to go. They probably aren't very good for the environment, but at least we recycle.

I hand the bottle to Donna and she settles into the chair with Lulu. I give them each a kiss, then contently watch them for a minute.

"I'm going to run. Need anything before I start?"

"No, were good."

"okay."

Once I'm on the treadmill my mind starts working. I figure out a lot of things during this morning run. Right now, I'm wondering what this is going to do to our schedule. Sure, if Lulu sleeps until 5 or later, Donna gets a longer stretch of sleep, but is she going to be able to go back to sleep the way she used to? Maybe I should do the morning feeding and push my run back? And if Lulu eats at 5, what's that going to do to the rest of her feeding schedule for the day? She's been doing really well with 4 oz every 4 hours. Maybe she's ready for a bigger bottle? At her 3 month appointment, Dr. Francis said that sometime before the next appointment Lulu would probably start taking 6oz bottles and start sleeping through the night. When I asked when exactly that would happen, the doctor laughed and said "That's the fun of babies, they're all different. You just have to watch for the clues and figure it out."

Last night, Lulu was ready for the midnight bottle around 11:30. Then she slept until after 5. That means she slept almost 6 hours in a row. Maybe we should try moving up to the 6oz bottles and see what happens.

I hop off the treadmill and walk back into the nursery. Donna looks up in surprise.

"Hey, maybe you should give her another ounce or two if she still seems hungry when that bottle is gone."

"It's almost gone. She inhaled it!"

I grab another bottle from the shelf. "Give me that one. I'll pour half of this in while you burp her. Then I'll put what's left in the fridge."

Lulu lets out a big burp, then smiles at Donna, pleased with her accomplishment. She _is_ my daughter. I hand Donna the bottle.

"We'd better order some 6 oz bottles from Amazon."

I stick the leftover formula in the fridge. It'll be fine until tonight. Then I get back on the treadmill to finish my run.

I guess this is what having kids is like. Learning to adjust. I can handle it, even though it already has thrown off my morning plans.

Today is Valentine's Day and I haven't even said "I love you" to Donna or Lulu yet! I'd planned to run, then shower, the get out the gifts before the girls were awake. Now I'm not sure how to do this. It's a good thing I've still got twenty minutes on my run to figure it out.

When I'm done on the treadmill, I poke my head back into the nursery. Lulu is back in her crib sleeping. It looks like Donna already changed her into an outfit. That was a good idea, that way we don't have to change her when it's time to go. As I head back through our room, Donna's eyes flutter open and she gives me a smile.

"Hey, Pretty Lady, want to join me in the shower?"

That idea earns me a slow, sultry smile. I'm tempted to call into work and stay home. But that's really not an option. Besides, I have plans for this afternoon. Donna flips the covers back and swings her long legs out of bed. She sashays up to me and gives me a long kiss, then takes my hand and pulls me into the bathroom.

"Come on, Lover boy. Let's get clean."

Our shower is over quicker than I'd like, but these days I'll take what I can get.

While Donna blow dries her hair, I hustle back to the nursery to check on Lulu. She's still asleep. I take the gifts out of her closet. Leaving the shiny red gift bag on the changing table, I take the wrapped box back with me into the bedroom. I set it on the end of the bed, and open my underwear drawer. I find the red silk boxers in the back and pull them out with a smile.

A year ago, I wore these and we conceived Lulu. I wonder if they could be lucky twice? The thought makes me grin. But we're not trying. In fact, we're actively preventing for the moment. The memory of Lulu's birth hasn't faded enough from either of our minds to consider the possibility of a second child, and honestly, I just want to enjoy Lulu right now. But truthfully, if we're surprised, I don't think I'd mind.

I slip on my navy suit pants and a solid blue shirt. I think the red tie will be okay with this. After I'm dressed I head into the kitchen. I'm glad the coffee's done. I pull out the to-go cups and pour us each a large mug.

I debate what to do about breakfast. I don't think we have time for a full breakfast. Maybe bagels? Donna's a little touchy about what I offer her these days. Maybe yogurt? I hate yogurt. I pop a bagel in the toaster. I think she's going to want yogurt, but if she wants the bagel, I'll find something at the office.

When I hear the hair dryer shut off, I hustle back into the bedroom. I want to watch her get dressed. Plus she should open her gift first.

Donna comes out of the bathroom, wrapped up in a bathrobe. It takes all my will-power not to untie it and peel it off her. Instead I pick up the present and hold it up.

"Oooh! Present time?" Donna asks, hurrying over to the closet. She opens her side and reaches up to the top shelf until she pulls out a small box. When she comes up to the bed and hands it to me, I give a tug on the belt to pull her closer. The tie comes undone.

"Ooops!" I smirk at her and slip my hands inside the robe to caress her waist. I will never get enough of her body.

"mmmmmm." She sighs before pulling back a little. "Do we really have time for this?"

"No," I say regretfully, handing her the present. "But we do have time for you to open this."

She sits in the chair. Since she didn't bother to re-tie the robe, it flops open, giving me quite the peep show. She gives me a slow grin as she opens the gift. She knows exactly what she's doing. Tease.

"Oh! These feel fantastic." She exclaims pulling the red satin bra and panties out of the box. They aren't super sexy, but they are really nice.

"I figured you could wear them today and I could take them off you tonight."

"I like the way you think. Go ahead, open yours."

I tear into the box. I laugh when I pull off the top. A red satin nightie is nestled into the pink tissue paper. I guess she does like the way I think.

"I don't think this will fit me!"

" _Josh_!" She sighs, but her eyes are sparkling.

"Okay, you can wear this tonight too."

"So you can take it off me?"

"You bet."

We hear Lulu start to squeak in the other room. Well, good. "I'll get her. You get dressed."

I change Lulu's diaper, then I see that Donna's got a tutu laid out for her. Of course. She's wearing a long sleeve onesie that is embroidered "My First Valentine's Day" on it and pink leggings. I wonder if Donna got these for every holiday? After I put the red tutu over the leggings, I gather Lulu and her gift and head back into the bedroom. "Let's go show Mommy how adorable you are!"

Unfortunately Donna's already wearing black dress pants, a red turtleneck and a blazer by the time we get back to the bedroom. I can't wait to get all those clothes off her tonight.

"Hi baby doll!" Donna greets Lulu. "What have you got there? Is Daddy already showering you with gifts?"

"Just one." I defend myself. I hold the bag in front of Lulu while Donna pulls the tissue paper out of the bag. Lulu giggles.

Then Donna pulls the stuffed puppy out of the bag. "Oh, it's so soft!" She runs it down Lulu's face and is rewarded with another laugh and a bright smile.

"There's something else in there."

"I thought you said you only got one gift."

"This is one gift. One bag, one gift." I grin unrepentantly.

Donna pulls out a board book. "Snuggle Puppy by Sandra Boynton. That seems appropriate."

"We'll have to read it to her tonight. We gotta get going. I'll get her into the car seat. The coffee's ready and there are bagels in the toaster and yogurt in the fridge. Can you grab breakfast? We'll eat it in the office."

"Sure."

. . .

At noon, I walk into the First Lady's office. Helen is on her way out.

"Nice flowers, Josh." She greets me with a grin.

"Does Donna like them?" I ask, that's all that matters.

"What girl doesn't like flowers on a special occasion?"

Well, sometimes mine. I've managed to get myself in hot water over flowers more than once.

"Josh! The flowers are gorgeous!" Karen gushes, while Angela nods her agreement.

Annabeth pokes her head out of her office. "Good job, Josh. Very classy."

Ned stays in his office with his head down.

"Is she ready for me?" I ask Karen, gesturing toward Donna's door.

"Yes, go on in."

I walk through the door with a smile on my face. But Donna's standing in front of her desk, arms crossed, tapping her foot.

"JOSHUA LYMAN! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Um . . . Happy Valentine's Day?"

"You're ridiculous. Three dozen roses? Really? You just can't help but go overboard, can you?"

"You don't like them?" My heart sinks a little.

I look over at her conference table. The flowers are gorgeous, a mixture of red, pink and white roses in a nice crystal vase. It's a huge bouquet. It _is_ a bit ostentatious, but I don't want ordinary. My love for her isn't normal. I don't want the flowers to be either.

"Like them? I love them you crazy man. They're gorgeous. Come here."

Okay, good. She was just harassing me. I can handle that. She gives me a quick peck on the lips, then whispers. "I can't show you how much I appreciate them while we're in the office, it will have to wait until tonight."

"Well, I'm here to take you out to lunch. Maybe you can show me in the car on the way over." I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

"Sounds promising. Let's go."

I hold out her coat and she slips her arms into it. Then she links her arm through mine as we head to the portico.

"Where are we going?"

"Fiola."

"Wow." She breathes out. "That's kind of fancy. I am I dressed okay?"

I look her over with a slow smile. "You are breath-taking."

"I'm wearing a turtleneck and a pantsuit!" She responds, in a slightly exasperated tone, but with a pleased look.

"Turtlenecks drive me crazy. Everything all hidden away. Makes me imagine what you're wearing underneath."

"You already know what I'm wearing underneath!"

"Yes, that makes it even better." I grin at her and wiggle my eyebrows again.

As soon as we slide into the car, Donna slides on to my lap.

I shove her off gently. "Put your seatbelt on."

"Josh. It's a 5 minute ride."

"Yes, and I was joking about making out in the car."

Donna grins, giving me a quick kiss, then takes her seat and clicks her seat belt together. Oh. She got me again.

"You're in a feisty mood today."

"Happy to be alive, my friend, happy to be alive." She gives me one of her brightest smiles. "I do like the flowers, but you know what Josh? I don't need all the hoopla- the flowers and the lingerie, fancy restaurants, it just feels good to know that the people I love, love me back. I'm just so happy that we get to celebrate Valentine's Day in public as a couple."

She intertwines her hand with mine, and places a kiss on it. Once again I thank my lucky stars that Leo asked me to go to Nashua to hear Jed Bartlet speak.

Our table at the restaurant is not nearly as private as I had hoped. Looking around the restaurant, I see a few familiar faces. Unfortunately, it doesn't take long for them to see us too.

" Donna, Congratulations on the baby."

"Congressman, how nice to see you." She responds politely.

Not really, I think to myself. I'm trying to have a romantic lunch here. Can't you see that? He turns and addresses me.

"We need to meet about HR 6112."

"Call Margaret, she'll set you up with an appointment."

"Thanks Josh. Bye Donna."

I'm relieved when Fields leaves. I pick the menu back up. Where was I?

"What's good here?" Donna asks.

"Everything."

She raises an eyebrow at me. She knows I probably haven't tried most things, let alone everything.

"People say its all good. I usually get some pasta. The Filet is good."

"But it's so expensive."

"Donna, get whatever you want. If it makes you feel better, you can have peanut butter and jelly for dinner."

One thing I know for sure. She didn't marry me because of my money. She doesn't really want me to spend very much on her. But I'm glad when the waitress comes back, and Donna confidently orders the Filet, medium, and Asparagus, and a salad to start.

"The same. But I want mine well-done."

Donna and the waitress both roll their eyes. Oh well. That's how I like it.

"Donna! Josh!"

Donna and I both smile at the bright voice of Evelyn Baker Lang. Christopher Mulready is standing next to her. They even have lunch together? Wonders never cease.

"Your Honors."

"Posh! None of that. Donna, I need to see baby photos."

"Thank you again for the plant. It was very thoughtful." Donna says digging in her purse to pull out a couple snapshots.

"Oh, she's beautiful." Evie Lang sighs, showing the photo to her colleague who nods his agreement. Then she raises an eyebrow and looks at me appraisingly. "The baby looks like you!" She accuses.

"Poor kid." I banter back. But it's true. Lulu's hair has an auburn tone, and she's got my dimples. But so far her eyes are still blueish. So I'm holding out hope.

Chris Mulready gives Evie a subtle nudge.

"Oh! Yes, my esteemed colleague is right, we should be going. It was nice to see the two of you, and congratulations, again."

"Thank you. Good to see you too." Donna's smirking as she puts the photo back in her purse.

"What's that look for?"

"I just showed my baby's picture to the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court!"

During the salad course, Senator Bowles approaches, offers Donna congratulations, and glares at me before wandering away. I wonder if that was for poaching Ryan. Too bad. The kid is too bright to waste away in those chambers.

Half way through the entrée, Senator Pierce stops by.

"So you've hired Ryan again? Good idea, you know what they say, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."

What the hell is that supposed to mean? It never seems like he's talking about the same kid that I know.

"Senator Pierce. It's nice to see you." Donna speaks up before I have a chance to say something I might regret.

"Ah, Donna, it's good to see you too. Ryan told me you have a daughter. How lovely. Congratulations."

Donna whips out the photos and I'm surprised to see this gruff man turn into goo talking about my baby. Maybe he doesn't realize she's mine.

"Well, apparently you're good at something." He sneers at me.

Well, I guess he does realize she's mine. "Thank you." I respond simply. All I really want to do is get back to lunch with my wife. For crying out loud, it's Valentine's Day.

When we're done eating, Donna declines dessert. I know she's a little worried about her weight. I don't know why. She looks fantasic. Some parts of her are a little softer, but I like it. And I plan to show her how much tonight once Lulu is asleep.

Back at the White House we part with a quick kiss.

"Thanks for lunch." Donna says as she heads back to her office.

I enjoy the view as she walks away. It was nice, but next year I'm going to have something delivered instead of trying to eat out.

. . .

At 4:15, Margaret walks into my office and announces "Bram's here to see you." She looks unhappy.

"Sure, send him in."

She motions to him. Bram has a grim look on his face as he walks through the door. Margaret closes the door behind her as she leaves. I've got a bad feeling rising.

"The Press is reporting another school shooting. Northern Illinois University."

"Oh my god. Any fatalities?" I grab the remote and turn on CNN.

"It's still active. I'll head back to the Press room and update you as I get more information. Do you want me to give Lou the heads up to start working on a statement?"

"Yes. I'll go brief the President." I hate this part of my job. I put it off for a few minutes, watching CNN to see if there is any further information. At this point they are just reporting shots fired and showing stock photos of the school.

I knock lightly and enter the Oval Office.

"Hey Josh!" He's in a good mood. I hate it when I have to spoil a good mood.

"Sir, CNN is reporting shots fired at Northern Illinois University. It's still an active shooter situtation. Lou's starting a statement. I'll let you know when we have more information."

"What's our statement going to be? More empty platitudes? Condolences to the families of students? How many times am I going to have to do this in my Presidency? _JOSH_! We've got to do something to fix this problem!"

"I couldn't agree more." I tell him grimly. "I've been fighting for common sense gun laws my whole life. We have to make this a priority."

We're both silent for a few minutes. Then Matt says, "okay, keep me informed."

"Yes, sir." I turn and head back to my office. I need to call Donna and see if she's heard. I kind of doubt it since she's not waiting in my office. Any time there is a high profile shooting, she usually checks up on me right away. I think it's for her sake as much as mine.

I glance at my watch. 4:30. She's probably still in her staff meeting. I'm surprised Bram didn't text Annabeth.

"Margaret." I don't bellow, but I say her name forcefully. The door is open. I know she can hear me.

"Yeah?"

"Get Donna on the phone for me, please."

Since she's in a meeting, I want to go through the secretaries. I have no doubt that Margaret will tell Karen that this call is a priority. I watch some more of the coverage while I wait.

CNN is now showing aerial footage. Lots of emergency vehicles and law enforcement running into the building. I hope that's a good sign.

"Donna's on one." Margaret calls out. I move quickly to my desk and pick up the phone.

"Hey, baby."

"Hey. How are you doing?"

"I'm assuming you've heard about Northern Illinois?" I ask just to make sure we are talking about the same thing.

"Yes. _How are you_?" She asks anxiously.

"I'm okay. Angry, of course. The President is too. We've got to work harder on gun control. We can't keep letting this happen. I can't even believe. . ."

"Take a breath." Donna interrupts to instruct me. But her tone is gentle. "Now let it out slowly."

I obey her and feel a bit better.

"Do you need me to come down there?" She asks.

I take another deep breath. "No. I really am okay. Do what you need to do for FLOTUS. Make sure she's been briefed. Is Annabeth watching Bram's press conference?"

"Yes. He texted her."

"Okay, good. If FLOTUS wants to make a statement run it by me first. I want to make sure we're all on the same page."

"Okay. . . And Josh? . . . I love you."

"I love you too."


	5. March 2008

"DONNA!" Josh bellows from the living room. I used to make it a point NOT to rush to him when he did that. But he's gotten so much better at not doing it that I find myself reacting.

Hurrying into the room, I'm just in time to see Lulu roll from her tummy to her back. Once she's there she grabs her feet and give Josh a gummy, drooling smile.

Josh is staring at her like she just won the Nobel Peace Prize. "Did you see that Donna? She can roll over. She's so amazing."

"I saw it." I walk closer to the two of them, drying my hands on the towel I'm still carrying.

"What a good girl, Lulu. You're so smart!" Josh is cooing to her and she's grinning at him, absorbed in his words. "Do you want to do it again?" He asks her in all seriousness.

He takes her grin as a yes, and rolls her back on to her tummy. Lulu arches her back and holds her head up.

"She's getting really good at that."

"She really is. I think Nicole must give her a lot of tummy time."

"That's good."

Josh wiggles a rattle in front of Lulu and she flops to her belly and reaches for it. But instead of letting her have it Josh moves the rattle over her head and she follows it, ending up on her side. He shakes it again and she rolls onto her back. Then he gives it to her. She immediately sticks it in her mouth and starts gnawing on it. Between the drooling and the gnawing, I think we're going to see some teeth soon.

Josh looks up and grins at me proud of himself and Lulu. I decide not to tell him that's how we taught the dog to roll over when we were kids.

"Bath time, baby girl."

"Aww, 10 more minutes?" Josh whines. "Come on Lulu, tell Mama we want to play a little longer."

"Mamamamamama" Lulu babbles at me. Josh gets a big grin.

"Did you hear that? She said Mama."

"Well, it's about time! Dadadadada has been her favorite for a few weeks already."

Of course, Josh insists she knows who we are, but really, I know that they're just sounds. She babbles them indiscriminately. She's babbled dadadada at me plenty of times.

"You're so smart, Lulu. Daddy loves you so much." Josh is back to cooing.

" _Josh_ , it's bath time. You don't want the water to get cold."

"No, I guess not." He scoops Lulu up and carries her into the bathroom.

It's Josh's night to give Lulu her evening bottle, so once I've cleaned up the bathroom, I head to our bedroom to prepare my little surprise for Josh.

I have a debt to repay. I'm sure he thinks I've forgotten about our bet last Easter, after all a lot has happened in the 12 months since then, but I haven't forgotten, and I always pay my debts.

Gathering the pieces to my costume, I head into our bathroom and lock the door. I should have enough time to get dressed but I don't want him to walk in when I'm half done. It would totally ruin the effect.

I had to be careful with my research, it's the kind of internet search that could end up with unwanted results. But I only had a vague idea what I needed. So I had to look for pictures. I already had some items, and for the rest, I'm really glad for the internet. First I put on the black lace panties and corset. Then I pull on the fishnet stocking. Next, the black bow tie I borrowed from Josh. Then, I slip my feet into the stilettos. Finally, I add the bunny ears.

He won the bet, and now he gets to spend a night with a playboy bunny.

Once I'm ready, I open the door and peek out. I'm glad he's not in the room yet. I'm a little embarrassed, but I know his reaction will be worth it. I turn the arm chair a little toward the door then I sit sideways so I can prop my legs over the opposite arm in what I hope is an erotic pose. My heart thumps unevenly as I wait for him. Maybe I should have brought a book over here. Ugh. I don't want to get up now. My luck he'll walk in and I'll miss seeing the look on his face.

I try taking deep breaths. I hope I'm not blushing too much. I can hear him singing to Lulu. She's probably already asleep, but sometimes he just holds her and sings. He says it helps him de-stress. It's very sweet, but I hope he hurries up. I'm pretty sure my surprise will help him de-stress even more.

Ah. The singing has stopped. It shouldn't be much longer now. I'm sure when he discovers I'm not in the living room he'll come looking for me. My heart beat picks up when I hear his footsteps in the kitchen.

"Donna, do we have any . . . " The look on his face when he walking into the room is priceless. His eyebrows have disappeared and his mouth is hanging open.

When he finally regains the power of speech, he just says "Hey."

"Hey." I return, stretching one leg up toward the ceiling. Then I pivot and put it on the floor. I do the same with the other leg and hope that what I just did looked sexy. I think from the way his eyes are bugging out, I was probably successful.

"How are you doing?" I ask him in a breathy voice.

"I'm, uh, good." He gulps loudly. "This is . . . nice."

I get up and saunter over to him. "Just nice?"

I take his hand and lead him over to the bed. Once we're there, I take the waistband of his sweats and pull them slowly down his legs, dropping to my knees before him as I do.

" _Really_ , _really_ nice." Josh manages to reply before I render him speechless again.

. . . .

Josh gives me a grin and leering looking when I come back into the room with my pajamas on. I give a little spin. "Like this look too?"

"Yeah. I really do." Josh answers honestly. I respond with a grin. Sometimes he knows exactly what to say.

"So are your parents mad that we skipped Easter Sunday?" Josh asks as I climb back into bed. Well, that's not the topic of conversation I expected!

"They aren't thrilled but they'll get over it. At least we were there for Friday and Saturday. They got to see Lulu and we spent time with the family. They are used to Bella and Sean's families spending Easter Sunday with the other grandparents."

"I know. But at least they all attended church. And Finn and Julie and the kids weren't leaving until tomorrow. It just felt like we bailed too early."

"Josh, are you saying you wish we had stayed for church?!" I really thought he just barely tolerated church.

"Sort of. It just felt like a really quick trip. But I am glad we went even if it was kind of rushed. The Easter Egg hunt was really fun this year."

"Well yeah, watching you and Finn out there with the girls was pretty funny. I'm pretty sure you're going to be front page of the Madison Times Weekly."

"That little boy was trying to take Kate's eggs!"

"You made him cry!"

"All I did was look at him."

"You are pretty scary when you're intense."

Josh gives me a glare, but it just makes me laugh at him.

"Obviously not." He quits glaring and gives me a quick kiss.

"Well, let's just hope that they print a cute picture of you holding Lulu and not a photo of a crying toddler with you glaring at him."

"Yeah. We can hope. Lulu's outfit was so cute. How many of those tutus did you buy?"

"A bunch. And before you ask, yes, I do have special onesies for every holiday."

"I'm sure they'd rather have that for the front page, don't you think?"

I give him a look.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm screwed. Matt will probably just laugh. Helen will tease me. But I really hope CJ doesn't see it!"

It's cute how he's still a little scared of CJ. I debate whether or not to tell him that my Mother's best friend's husband is the editor in chief of the local paper. We're safe. They aren't going to run a photo that makes Lottie Moss's son-in-law look bad.

Nah, I'll let him sweat for a bit first.

"Lulu's Easter basket was really cute. I'm glad your Mom put Leonora on it, even though everyone is calling her Lulu."

"All the kids baskets have their real name."

"Oh, I guess you're right. I didn't think about it. I guess Adrianna and Leonora are really the only two that go by nicknames, anyway."

"Anyway, your Mom did a good job. I'm glad she put some books in there. But it's a little soon for those puffs. And why'd she put a chocolate bunny in there? She knows Lulu can't eat it, right?"

"Yeah, she knows. That was for us."

"Well, good. Cuz I already ate the ears." I noticed that earlier, when I went for them.

"Josh, I know it seemed like the trip was rushed, but last year was really hard on me. I have a lot to do at the White House Easter Egg roll tomorrow. I really wanted to have a day off at home before the craziness. And I really wanted Lulu to have her normal routine today, because tomorrow probably won't be."

"I know. We talked about this before. Coming back late Saturday was the right choice. I just didn't expect to feel like I was missing out on time with your family."

"You're pretty odd, honey. You're supposed to be glad that we got out of there early. You're supposed to make Mother-in-law jokes."

"No way. I'm too scared of your Mom to make jokes."

Laughing, I roll my eyes at him. Then I roll on top of him. "Well maybe I can remind you again why it's good to be home in our own bed."

"Excellent idea."

. . . .

"You are so stinkin' adorable, Lulu!" She grins back at me as I tickle her belly.

I'm so glad I bought all these embroidered onesies and tutus. We are going to have some really great photos to mark her first year.

"Is she going to be warm enough?" Josh asks with a frown. Lulu suddenly frowns too. When he notices, he switches gears and gives her a big grin, which she copies.

"She's not going to be outside for very long. She'll mostly be indoors with Nicole. She's too little to really appreciate the Egg Roll this year."

"Well, make sure you grab her coat."

"Josh. I know that!"

I'm not stupid. It's barely above freezing and the high is only supposed to reach the forties. "I know that when Easter is in March you need a coat. I'm just glad it didn't snow!"

Josh has the good sense to look sheepish. " _Sorry_ , I know you know."

He's so earnest that I push back my annoyance and forgive him for saying something dumb. I know that he doesn't really think that I'm not capable of taking care of Lulu, he just can't help but share his concerns. I know that he just wants to take care of us.

I pull the polar fleece bunting out of the diaper bag and show it to Josh. It's got fold-over cuffs to keep her hands and feet warm. And the hood has ears on it. It's very cute and perfect for today.

"I like the polar fleece." Josh tells Lulu as he buckles her into her car seat, as I re-pack the bag. She listens to him like he's telling her the secrets of the world. And then gives him a big grin.

"DADA!"

"I'm telling you, Donna, she knows that's my name! I know the book says baby's are usually older before they associate their parents with names but she really knows."

"Of course, dear."

Josh really does think Lulu is brilliant. I'll admit she seems pretty vocal for a 4 and a half month old, but I'm not sure that it isn't just a coincidence that the Dada and Mama seem to be happening correctly more often than not these days.

He carries the car seat to the door, and let's Phil know were ready.

Miranda is bouncing around the Residence when we arrive. "Oh good! You're here!"

She runs up to Lulu and gives her a big smile. "Happy Easter, Lulu!"

Lulu grins back.

"Hey, what am I chopped Liver?" Josh teases Miranda. I don't think he really minds that he's been moved down on Miranda's list of favorite people. After all, Lulu has bumped almost everyone down on his list. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm number 1 anymore.

"Hi Tio Josh!" Miranda gives him a hug. Then she gives me one too.

"Happy Easter, Miranda. Did you get some good stuff in your basket?"

"Yes! I got some candy, and a new doll outfit, and a Jonas Brothers CD! Did you know they are going to be here today?! I get to meet them!"

"Yes, I knew that. That'll be fun, won't it?"

Josh gets Lulu out of her car seat while Miranda and I are talking. Then he hands her to me while he puts the car seat away.

"Have you seen Nicole this morning?" He asks Miranda.

"Yes, she's in the sitting room with Nanny Maria waiting for you to arrive."

I'm glad that Nicole and Maria have become good friends. They both greet Lulu as soon as we walk into the room.

"Lulu! Look how cute you are!" Nicole gushes. Lulu squeals back at her. It makes it much easier to leave her knowing how much they enjoy each other's company.

"So what's the plan today?" Nicole asks when I don't offer Lulu to her.

"We're going to get a family photo and Josh will hold Lulu during the First Lady's speech, and then I'll take her for the start of the egg roll. But I'd like you to be with us so that if she gets fussy you can take her. Josh is reading at 10 and I'm reading at 11 so as long as she's happy, I'd like you to bring her down for those, but other than that, we'll try to stick to her normal schedule. We probably won't be up at lunch though."

"Okay, sounds good."

"Make sure you bring her fleece for outside." Josh reminds Nicole.

"Of course, Mr. Lyman." Nicole answers professionally. Usually she calls us Josh and Donna but she's snarking him a little. I give her a grin to let her know it's okay with me.

. . . .

Just before 10, Nicole brings Lulu to the reading nook. I take her and we stand off to the side of the reading chair, but close enough that Lulu can see and hear Josh. All the children are captivated as he reads "Green Eggs and Ham" but none more than Lulu. She just loves the sound of his voice. I think all that inter-utero reading really paid off for him. Not even the Cat in the Hat character on the other side of Josh can draw Lulu's attention from him.

When he's done, he joins us and takes Lulu from me for a little snuggle. "Hey Lulu, did you like the story?"

"Dadadadadad." She babbles in response.

Josh gives me a sly look. "I bet Mommy picked that. She thinks I'm a picky eater. I think she was sending us a message."

I shrug in a non-committal way. He has gotten a lot better, but if the shoe fits. Really, though, it was someone in the social secretary's office that picked the books. I just signed off on them.

Troy Aikman is up next to read "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish." But that'll be at least 15 minutes from now. Lulu still seems comfortable outside and the fresh air is good for her.

"Do you need to get back to your office or can you stroll around a bit?"

"I'm good. Nothing urgent so far. Margaret will page me if that changes."

Nicole and the agents trail behind us as we walk around the South Lawn with Lulu, just checking out the activities and waving at people. Over the last year, Josh and I have gotten used to having a small entourage when we go places. That could end soon. Chances are that the U.S. will pull out of Kazakhstan in a few months. At that point, I'm not sure what we are going to do about our detail. There are moments when I want them all gone so we can just be normal. But then I remember the crazy dude from last year, and it reminded me that as long as we hold these jobs we'll never be normal. And as long as we aren't normal, the truth is, I don't mind having an agent who's sole job is to guard my baby.

Technically, Lulu doesn't have a detail. She's covered by our protective detail when she's with us, and generally, by security when she's in the White House. But Josh has made it clear in no uncertain terms that the detail must protect his family. There must be enough agents that each of us has individual protection. Otherwise, he will decline all protection. When we travel, he often asks who is guarding Lulu. It gives us each a small measure of comfort.

It was the same with the NSC cards. The day after Matt was sworn in, Josh and I both received cards because of our jobs. I didn't think anything of it, but later Josh admitted that he had been offered one in the Bartlet administration and had turned it down because he couldn't bear the thought of leaving me and the rest of senior staff behind. He said it still weirds him out a little to have one when the rest of the staff doesn't, but this time he feels obligated.

When Lulu was born, Josh went to Matt to find out what happens with the baby. The thought hadn't even occurred to me. I guess if it had occurred to me, I would have just assumed that I'd bring my baby with me or someone would bring her to me once we we're all safe. But Josh was smart enough to ask.

Turns out, the only "family plan" was for the first family. Josh told Matt that we serve at the pleasure of the President, but obviously there's no way we would leave our baby behind and get on a helicopter. I really think he was prepared to resign if it was a deal breaker. Later, Josh told me that Matt laughed at him. And told him that of course he wouldn't expect us to leave Lulu behind. As POTUS, it's his decision who goes into the bunker, and he considers Lulu to be part of the family. He can't protect his extended family because they don't live in the White House, but he can keep Lulu safe. So she has her own NSC card and plan. It was awkward explaining to Nicole that in the event of an emergency like that she turns the baby and the baby's go bag over to an agent and gets left behind herself, but it's the way it works. I have no idea what will happen when Lulu is old enough to go to school. I don't really want to think about it.

"Hey, what are you thinking about over there?" Josh turns my words back at me- "Your face is frozen in an odd way."

"Unattractively?" I banter back.

"Never." He responds, giving me a kiss. But he raises his eyebrows and tilts his head in an invitation to talk.

"It's nothing, just contemplating our bizarre life. . . . Look there's Clifford the Big Red Dog. Let's go get Lulu's picture."


	6. April 2008

"Ma! You here? We're home!"

"Darlings! Where's my baby?" My Mother hurries from the kitchen as soon as I holler.

I hold my arms open but she heads straight for Lulu. Well, I guess I know how I rank.

"Oh. She's sleeping." My Mom stops at the car seat and just stares at Lulu.

"She usually wakes up on her own a few minutes after we get home, but if not we'll wake her up. We like to stick to a routine." Donna informs her.

Being reminded that we're in the room, Mom opens her arms. Donna gives her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.

"I'm going to change." Donna informs us, heading toward our bedroom.

I open my arms again, and this time Mom puts herself into them. I wrap them tightly around her and kiss the top of her head. "I'm glad you're here."

"Aww, baby boy, I am too. It's been over a month since I saw Lulu! How much as she grown? She's rolling now. What else have I missed?"

Lulu scrunches up her face and yawns, the opens her eyes. "Hi Lulu!" I greet her as I start to unbuckle her from her car seat.

"DADA!"

"Did she just say Dada?" Mom seems amazed. "Isn't that pretty early?"

"Well, it depends on which development chart you look at, and whether you think she was calling me by name or just making a sound."

"Josh, she definitely said your name. You spoke pretty early too."

"See, I think so too. But Donna doesn't believe me."

Mom holds out her arms towards Lulu. "Come to Bubbe." She coos at her.

"So sticking with Bubbe? Not Savta?" I noticed this during her last visit.

Mom sits down in a chair and starts bouncing Lulu on her knee, making cute faces at her. Lulu grins back.

"I think she'll be able to say Bubbe sooner. Besides, you called your grandmother Bubbe."

"But I call you _Ima_!"

"Why does that matter?" Donna asks, as she comes back into the room and sits down next to me. "And what are you cooking, Mom? That smells fantastic."

"Roast Chicken and Potato Kugel."

Mom smiles at me. It's one of my favorites. I love cooking with Donna but nothing beats my Mom's comfort food. It's going to be a great week.

"Why does it matter that you call her Ima, Josh?" Donna asks again.

"Ima is Hebrew. Bubbe is Yiddish."

"So?"

I look at my Mom for help.

"We aren't Israeli, our family is from Eastern Europe. Hebrew words aren't commonly used as terms of endearment in our culture. Yiddish words are a little more common, especially in older generations."

"So why did Josh start calling you _Ima_?"

"Josh had just started Hebrew school around the same time Joanie was preparing for her Bat Mitzvah."

Mom smiles softly in memory.

"Joanie spent a lot of time practicing her Hebrew. Josh didn't have many words yet, but he knew Ima was the Hebrew word for Mother so he used it incessantly for a while. I think he thought of questions to ask me just so he could say it. It just sort of stuck while he was little. Of course, as he got older, I rarely heard it anymore. But when he does use it, it gives me such a nice feeling."

My heart melts. All my ladies in the same room, what a lucky man am I. I cross over to my Mother's chair and lean down to brush a kiss across her cheek.

"Love you, Ima."

"Love you too. Now go set the table, Joshua."

"Yes, Ma'am."

As I leave the room, I see Mom shoot a wink at Donna, who grins back.

Once I'm done setting the table, I head into the bedroom to change. It's nice to just be home and relax. I throw on an old pair of jeans and Donna's Georgetown sweatshirt. When I come back to the living room, Mom is still holding Lulu, while Donna puts the food on the table.

"You want wine or a beer?" She asks me.

"Are you having wine?"

Donna wrinkles her nose. "I don't know. I guess if you open a bottle I'll have half a glass, but we're going to have a lot of wine for Passover next week. I probably should stick with water this weekend."

"Donna, you're not still worried about your weight are you? I told you, you look great! I like your curves."

I see Mom's eyebrows shoot up and Donna glares at me a little. Uh oh. I think I might have said something wrong but I'm not quite sure.

"What?"

Donna just sighs. "Never mind."

"Where's Lulu's high chair?" Mom inquires. Last month, Mom mentioned that we should get one.

"I'll just hold her during dinner."

I reach out my hands towards Lulu and she reaches back to me. Mom lets me have her, but gives me a look.

"What?" All of a sudden I'm feeling like I'm 8 years old again. I don't like displeasing my Mom, but why does she care?

"Josh, she's sitting up pretty well. She should have a seat at the table, and not on your lap."

"But I _like_ holding her."

"Have you started baby food yet?"

"No. At her 5 month appointment she had just doubled her birth weight, but she wasn't 13 pounds yet. Dr. Francis said we could start baby food if she seemed really interested in our food or we could wait until her 6 month appointment if we wanted to."

"Well, putting her in a high chair will make it much easier to feed her and you'll be able to interact with her at the table."

"Okay." I grumble slightly. I know she's right, but I like holding Lulu every chance I get. I can't believe how quickly she's growing. In just a few weeks she'll be half a year old!

"Donna, darling, do you need to go into your office tomorrow?"

"Not really."

"Let's go shopping for a high chair while Josh is working. The three of us can have some girl time."

"Okay!" Donna agrees happily.

"Not fair." I grumble again, earning myself another reproaching look from my Mom.

. . .

"So, Mom offered to watch Lulu while we are at work next week." I tell Donna as she slides into bed.

Donna's eyes get wide for a second. "What did you say?" She asks nervously.

"I said no." Donna sighs in relief and leans over and kisses me. "Thank you."

"I actually wasn't sure that you'd agree with me. You usually agree with my Mom." I'm glad Donna and my Mom get along so well but sometimes it does feel like they gang up on me. Like the high chair thing.

"Josh, I love your Mom. And I appreciate all the traveling that she's done to see Lulu every month. I want them to have a close relationship. But I don't really think your Mom fully appreciates how exhausting taking care of a 5 and a half month old would be, and I don't think it's a good idea to change Lulu's schedule. And, I like having Lulu in the Residence while we are working. It's a lot easier for me to leave her during the day knowing that she's close by."

I can't help but grin at her. "We are 100% on the same page. Although I only gave my Mom the last two reasons. She tried to argue with me a bit on disrupting the schedule but she really had nothing on the secret service protection."

"So your Mom's okay with it? She's not mad at me is she?"

"No, she's not mad at you. I said that _I_ wanted Lulu in the residence protected by the secret service. Besides, Mom has a lot of cooking to do next week. That'll take up her time during the day. She doesn't need to watch the baby too."

"Tell me you didn't say that."

"I didn't say that."

" _Josh_?" Donna looks really worried that I might have offended my Mom. It's funny. She doesn't care at all if I offend her Mom.

"I didn't say that. _Really_. Mom ended up saying it. I think she was actually pretty relieved that I didn't take her up on her offer."

"Okay good." Donna smiles and gives me another kiss. Well, the tide seems to have changed from before dinner when I didn't seem to be saying anything right. If my luck holds, maybe these kisses will turn from chaste and sweet into something more.

"Are you upset about the high chair? Did your Mom and I railroad you?"

"I'm not upset. I'm pretty use to my Mom giving me her opinion. You usually give me your opinion too. And when it comes to Lulu, you have an equal say. If you wanted her in a high chair you should have told me."

"I haven't been holding back, Josh. I don't think it's that big of a deal that you've been holding her. But, she _is_ getting a little more wiggly, and she _is_ going to need her own seat soon."

"Yeah, I've known that my time of holding her during dinner was about to end for a while. I've actually done some research, and I have some ideas about which kind of seat to get."

"Of course you do."

"So can I come shopping with you?"

"Yes, Josh, you can come shopping too. How does your day look tomorrow?"

"I have another meeting about withdrawing our troops from Kazakhstan. But I can blow it off."

" _Josh_!"

"Okay, okay. But really, it's not an important meeting. Just a little Senatorial hand holding. Giving them a little glimpse of our strategy so they can see progress toward what POTUS said in the State of the Union. I'll be done by noon."

"Okay, then we can go shopping after Lulu's nap instead of going in the morning."

"Thanks, baby." I lean over to give her a little kiss, but this time she grabs my arm and pulls me on top of her. Instinctively I deepen the kiss. Oh yeah, I think I'm going to get lucky.

. . . .

I'm pretty excited to be back home. I hate going into the office without Donna and Lulu. Most Saturdays they come with me and bum around the West Wing or hang out in the Residence. I always feel better when they do.

I would have liked to have blown off the meeting, but we really do want everyone on the same page as we start to withdraw our troops from Kazakhstan. POTUS really wants most if not all troops out within the eighteen month time frame he was given when he was first briefed on the situation during the election. If things continue the way they are, we should be able to reach that goal. I have to admit, making Arnold Vinick the Secretary of State was a very smart move.

When I open the apartment door, I'm greeted by the smell of baking bread. It's one of my favorite childhood memories. During Hanukkah, Donna said she wanted to learn how to make the Challah. I hope that's what's happening.

I pause on my way through the kitchen. There's a loaf cooling on the counter and Donna is working on braiding some dough. She's wearing an apron, her hair is up in a ponytail and there's flour on her face. Man, I'd like to jump her. But the sight of my Mom dampens my desire.

"Any chance I can get a piece of that?" I smirk at Donna and her eyes widen at my double entendre.

"Yes, go change and I'll slice it. Did you eat lunch?" My mother asks, either missing or just ignoring my alternative meaning.

"No. I got out of there as soon as my meeting was over."

"Do you want a sandwich?"

"Sure, what kind of bread is that?"

"Honey Wheat."

"Okay. Turkey would be good. I'm going to go change." I place a kiss on Donna's forehead.

"I like the apron." I whisper into her ear.

Once I'm in jeans, I head back into the kitchen for my sandwich. While I'm eating, I watch Donna manipulating the bread. She's smiling so that's good. I should learn how to do this too. It can be a family thing once Lulu gets older.

"What kind are you making?"

"Cinnamon Raisin."

Ick. Raisins.

"Is there any regular bread?"

Donna and Mom both roll their eyes.

"Yes, Joshua, it's in the oven now."

"Thanks Mom."

As soon as I hear babbling from the nursery, I bolt out of my seat. "I got her!"

Lulu is sitting up in her crib talking to her stuffed dog. "Hey, Lulu." I greet her.

She lifts her arms toward me. "Bababababa" she tells me in response. I wonder if that's random or if she's asking for her bottle. It's not really time yet.

"Hey baby girl, do you need some clean pants? Let's change your diaper."

Once she's changed I grab some books and sit in the chair. Lulu snuggles into my arms as we read some stories.

A few minutes later Donna pokes her head into the room. "Your Mom is pulling a loaf of bread out of the oven now. We can wait to put the last one in. Are you ready to run to the store?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Okay, I'm going to change my shirt. Are we just going to Pottery Barn?"

"It's pretty nice out. I was thinking we could walk."

"Okay, that's fine with me. Can you put Lulu in her spring jacket?"

"Sure thing."

As I get the jacket out of her closet, I see the tutus hanging there. I wonder if she has a onesie for Passover. I flip through the little hangers. Sure enough. It's purple with flowers on it. This really was a cute idea to document all of her first holidays. I'm glad she included mine too. And my thrifty Donna made it so each of the tutus work with several of the onesies.

"Hey, you ready?"

Ooops. I'm literally caught red handed. Even though I knew they existed, I'm not sure if what they looked like was supposed to be a surprise. Donna notices the guilty look on my face.

"It's okay. I wasn't really trying to keep them a secret. But you didn't ask to see them all so I thought maybe you were enjoying seeing them one at a time."

"I kind of was. But I was wondering if you had one for Passover."

"Yeah, I wasn't really sure if these were appropriate for your holidays, so I called your Mom. She said it was fine."

"Thanks, baby. I appreciate the effort you're making."

"I think the clothing is the easy part."

She's probably right about that. But the clothing isn't the only thing she's doing. I've got the bread to prove it.

. . . .

Donna is pushing the stroller through the store. Lulu has bright eyes, looking at everything.

As we walk through the children's section, I pick up a soft plush bunny and show it to her.

"No, Josh. Put it back." Donna says.

As I set it down, I spot a shelf with wooden toys. They have some neat cars, and blocks, and wooden puzzles. Even an abacus with the alphabet. I reach for it to get a closer look.

"No, Josh, come on." Donna says before I can pick it up.

A few feet later, a bookshelf draws my attention. Donna takes my arm and steers me out of the toy department towards the baby furniture.

"Josh, Lulu doesn't need any of that."

"Donna! She's going to need some toys. It's good for development. Mental stimulation, you know."

" _Josh_. She already has blocks, and stuffed animals, and plenty of books."

I look around in desperation, until my eyes land on something adorable.

"Well, what about that? She doesn't have one of those!"

"Josh," Donna's actually laughing at me now, "she's not going to be ready for a dollhouse for quite a while."

"Okay." I grumble to myself. I just want to buy my baby a gift. It's not like I was committing a crime.

"We're getting her a high chair. Let's go." Sometimes I swear Donna can read my mind.

Once we get to the furniture department. I switch into operative mode. I've done my homework.

"Okay. I want to look at the Bloom Fresco, the Bloom Nano and the Inglesina Fast Table Chair. I know they carry all of those here."

While Donna looks at the Fresco, I read the information to her. "It has a pneumatic lift for height adjustment, reclines to several positions and swivels 360-degrees. It weights 34 pounds and will hold up to 79 pounds."

"It looks the egg Mork travelled from Ork in!" Donna laughs.

"In a good way?"

"Well, it is unusual. I guess it's kind of cool. Although $400 is a lot. I know you only want the best for Lulu but does everything have to be the most expensive?"

"It's rated really well. She'll be able to use it for a long time."

"What's next?"

"The Bloom Nano. It has 3 positions and a completely removable tray. The tray is wide enough to sit close to her, and it's got a deep lip, so it's less likely food will fall on the floor. There's a 5-point padded safety harness with 2-position height adjustable shoulder belts. It's only $150. I don't like it as much, but I can live with it."

"Alright, what's the third choice?"

"The Inglesina. This one is a portable high chair. It fastens directly to the table, so there's no tray. As far as portable ones go, this is one of the better ones. It has a 3 point harness."

"Well, we're going to need something for the Residence too. Maybe we should get the portable one. Then we can take it with us when we visit Mom."

"We have enough stuff to carry. We'll get something for the Residence, but we aren't taking it back and forth everyday."

"And you don't have to worry about bringing something when you visit me. I can borrow something from a neighbor. They all rotate stuff depending on who has grandchildren visiting at any time. Besides, it's been much easier for me to just come here."

"I'm really glad you've been coming up here." Donna tells her, giving her a quick hug. It really has been much easier. We wouldn't have been able to visit her nearly as often as she's been able to come to us.

"Well, then, I don't think we should get the portable one for the Residence." Donna determines. "I'd rather have something we can keep in our room. I don't want Nicole to have to set something up and tear it down every day. And I'm not sure which table she'd hook it to. I guess the one in the kitchen."

"Good point."

"I think the Nano will work best for the residence. It folds up really flat so it can be stored easier."

"Okay."

"What about this one over here?" Donna points at the Skip Hop Tuo Convertible High Chair. "This looks nice. It's got a 5 point harness too. And when she outgrows the need for a high chair, it converts to a toddler chair. It's only $160. Why wasn't this on your list?"

"I just like the Fresco better." I smirk.

"Ah! You figured I wouldn't like the Nano or the Clip on one, so you'd get the Fresco."

"Maybe." I'm not going to confess.

"I like the Skip Hop. Is there anything you don't like about it?"

"No. I wasn't sure about the wooden legs when I looked at it online. But they look fine. Not as much fun as the Chrome on the Fresco, but it's fine."

"Well, here's the good news. Both the Skip Hop and Nano have to be ordered, so you'll get to hold Lulu a little longer. If we buy the Fresco they'll be able to deliver it tomorrow and she can start using it right away."

"Okay. Let's go with the Skip Hop for home and the Nano for the Residence." I'm willing to compromise on the high chair to get to hold my baby for another week.

"I thought you might see it my way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A kind reader informed me that the Skip Hop High Chair that Josh & Donna purchased has been recalled recently. If you own one of these high chairs in 2018 please check to make sure it's safe.
> 
> Since this story is fictional and set in 2008, I'm leaving it as is.


	7. May 2008

Lulu is sitting in the high chair watching Josh and I cook dinner. She's chasing a puff around the tray with her little fingers.

As Josh gets the lettuce out of the refrigerator, he stops in front of her and shows her how to pinch her fingers together. Then he snags one of her puffs and pops it into his mouth.

Lulu grins at him and goes back to chasing her puff.

Every time Josh gets vegetables in and out of the refrigerator, he takes another puff from her tray. I'm not even sure he's aware that he's doing it. But he's ending up with the lion's share. Lulu only manages to pick up one to every three or four that he consumes.

"Josh! Those are supposed to be her snack!"

"I know, but they're actually pretty good. Have you tried them?"

"No." I say shaking my head. It's a little ridiculous.

He shares a grin with Lulu then grabs another one from her tray. He stalks toward me with it between his fingers. "Open wide."

I clamp my lips together stubbornly and back away, causing his eyes to light up. This just turned into a game. He's grinning like a lunatic.

"Lulu, tell Mama how good these are." He suggests as he corners me against the counter.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Lulu chants, while I continue to shake my head no.

"Should I tickle her Lulu?" He wiggles the fingers on his free hand so she can see them, and she immediately starts to laugh. She knows what that sign means. I have a hard time not giggling myself.

Josh goes for my ribs and I hold off as long as I can, but he's relentless, until finally, between his fingers and Lulu's laughter, I can't hold back.

As soon as my mouth opens, he pops the puff in. It melts almost instantly, leaving the slightest hint of blueberry behind. It's not that bad, but it's not that good either. I won't be raiding the baby's stash any time soon.

Josh wraps his arms around my waist, pulls me close and plants a kiss on my mouth. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Lulu squeals and claps.

"Finish the salad, Josh." I instruct, pushing him away. "I need to get the spaghetti into the pot." Once I've done that, I give the sauce and meatballs another stir. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.

"Dada!" Lulu calls as she holds out a puff towards Josh. He grins at her, leans over and eats it from her fingers.

"Thanks, baby girl! Seriously, Donna. I'm telling you. She's advanced."

. . . .

Saturday morning Lulu and I make our rounds in the West Wing. Everyone is more relaxed and its a good chance just to say hello.

Our last stop is Margaret's desk. She's taken to keeping puffs in her drawer and we could use a few more since Daddy keeps helping himself to the ones I keep in Lulu's bag. I hope he doesn't know about Margaret's stash.

While Margaret is getting the container out, my eyes fall to her desk. There's a bright envelope and a card on top of it. Inside the card there is a picture of a toddler with red hair and a bright smile.

"Is that your daughter?" I ask when Margaret looks up and catches me studying the picture for similarities.

"No." She quickly replies.

I smile gently, determined not to pry, although I have to admit my curiosity is hard to contain.

"Well. Technically, she is. But I try not to think of her that way. She's my niece. Her name is Megan."

I don't say anything, but I hope Margaret will continue.

"I wasn't in love with her father. But he was attractive. And he was an interesting man. We went out a couple times and the sex was very good. But he wasn't looking for a relationship. He offered to "do the right thing" but I think he was relieved when I turned him down. I knew it wouldn't have worked. And I love my job, but it's not exactly conducive to being a single parent. My sister and her husband couldn't have children. They we're very excited when I asked them if they wanted to adopt my baby. It all worked out."

"She's beautiful, Margaret. And that was a very selfless thing you did."

"Sometimes it feels like the most selfish thing I ever did. But I just wasn't ready to be somebody's Mother."

"You did what you though was best for that baby. That's the ultimate act of Motherhood."

"Thanks, Donna. That really means a lot to me. Sometimes I wish I could see more of Megan growing up, but they live in Canada. At least I see her on holidays. And I'm pretty happy to get to be a part of Miss Lulu's life."

Margaret tickles Lulu's tummy and is rewarded with a belly laugh.

Josh bounds out of his office. "I'm trying to have a meeting with the Joint Chiefs in there!" He exclaims.

"Sorry," I mumble. "We'll go."

"NO! They want to meet her."

Josh reaches for Lulu. "Whadda say, Lulu? Wanna meet the Joint Chiefs?"

"Dadadadadadada." Lulu babbles back to him, stretching her arms toward him.

Josh laughs in delight, as he takes her from me. "I'll take that as a yes."

He disappears back into his office. And I notice Margaret smiling after him. Then she looks back at me with an odd look.

"You know, five years ago I never would have thought that was possible."

"Five years ago, I hoped it was possible."

Margaret laughs at me. "Oh yeah, you had it bad."

I glance into Josh's office and see him proudly showing his daughter off to heavily decorated soldiers who are now making cooing noises at my baby. Then I look back to Margaret.

"I still do."

"I'll tell you what," Margaret confides in me, "he's got it worse."

I grin back at her. "Yeah, I know."

. . . . .

Sunday morning the sun streams through the window. I stretch and smile. My first official Mother's day. Although last year was pretty nice, I have a feeling this year is going to be even better.

I can hear Josh and Lulu fussing about in the kitchen. Josh is giving her a running commentary of what he's doing, and she's babbling at him. He frequently stops to listen to her, then respond like they are having a real conversation. I'm sure this is why he thinks she's ahead of schedule in the language department.

From the sound of things in there, I'm about to be served breakfast in bed. Should I pretend to still be asleep or should I sit up and get ready? Yeah, I'd rather see them try to sneak in. I prop myself up with some pillows and wait.

Josh comes through the door with Lulu on one hip and balancing a tray with his other hand. I'm impressed.

"Oh good! You're awake. Happy Mother's Day!" He grins at me.

He sets the tray down on the dresser, then sits down on the bed and puts Lulu in my arms.

"Tell Mama Happy Mother's Day, Lulu." He instructs her. She cocks her head and studies him. So he tries again. "Say Mama."

"Mama!" Lulu replies. Okay, maybe she really is brilliant.

"Hi baby doll. Do you have kisses for Mama?" I ask, peppering her face with smooches. She laughs at me. And I hold her tight. This feeling is incredible. This is all I really need today.

"Did you have your breakfast Lulu?"

"Baba!" She responds as if she understands me.

"Yeah, she had her bottle. And a few puffs while I made your breakfast." I wonder how many puffs he had while he made breakfast.

"What am I having?"

Josh grins and brings the tray to me. "Scrambled eggs, sausage, toast and juice."

"Sounds yummy."

"Let me take her so you can eat."

"Did you eat?"

"I had a couple pieces of sausage and some toast while I was making yours. Do you want some coffee?"

"Yes, please!"

"Come on, Lulu, let's go get Mama some coffee."

Josh comes back with a coffee mug that proclaims "I (heart) Mommy!" It has Lulu's face on it. He hands it to me with a grin. "This is from Lulu."

"I love it, Lulu! Thank you!" She grins at me too. Her dimples pop out. There really is no doubt she's his. I think I'll keep the mug at the office. It'll be a great way to show Lulu's picture off during meetings.

When I'm all done with breakfast, Josh takes the tray back to the kitchen. I hear him loading the dishwasher while I play peek-a-boo with Lulu.

How'd I get so lucky? I set my heart on a rumpled, loud-mouth, egotistical politician and ended up with the man of my dreams. A thoughtful husband, a devoted father, an excellent lover.

He comes back into the bedroom with a small gift. It's wrapped in brown paper and tied with a pink ribbon. There's a flower stuck into it, so that means there's probably a bouquet of flowers out there. I hope this isn't jewelry. He's given me so much jewelry lately it makes me feel guilty. I don't wear it very much, and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

He hands me the package and I unwrap it carefully. I definitely want to save this ribbon.

As I peel off the paper, I find a book. "First Mothers: The Women Who Shaped the Presidents by Bonnie Angelo."

"It's not a rare book or anything." Josh sort of apologizes, "but it looked interesting. And who knows, maybe someday you'll be a First Mother."

"Really Josh? Are you really already planning Lulu's campaign?"

"No." Josh looks sheepish. He might not be planning, but obviously, he has thought about it. And why not? Why shouldn't he consider the possibility that our six and a half month old could grow up to be President? What more could I want from the Father of my daughter than that he love her with everything that he has and he believes that she's destined for greatness?

"Thanks, babe. It does look interesting."

"I figured you could have a bubble bath and read later if you want to. I'm on baby duty today. You don't have to do anything."

"Josh. You know what would make this a great day?"

"What?"

"Going for a walk all together, and maybe grabbing some Starbucks. Then coming home and you and I taking a bath together while Lulu naps. And then making dinner as a family. I don't want a day to myself. I want a day with my two favorite people."

"That does sound nice. All right, then, get your lazy bones outta bed. Let's go for a walk."

It doesn't take long for me to throw on some yoga pants and shirt, and to pull my hair back into a ponytail. Josh is putting a windbreaker on Lulu. And ours are laying across the table.

"Are we walking from here or do you want to drive somewhere to walk around?"

"Let's just go from here and see where we end up."

"Sure. You know how much the Secret Service loves that."

He says it sarcastically, but without any heat. It's not a jab at me, or a suggestion that I change my mind.

As we are walking, Kevin trails behind us. Two more agents follow in the SUV. This is what they call "wide perimeter."

"So what are we going to do about them?" I ask Josh with a head nod toward our detail.

With the troop withdrawal almost complete, we have a choice to make. I know we both have thought about it, but we haven't really come to a resolution. Ron has made his recommendation. We just have to decide.

"Is this really so bad?" Josh counters rather than answering. This is the problem we've been having. Neither of us really wants to be the one that makes the decision.

When we first got our Secret Service detail, I chaffed at the restrictions. I didn't like dealing with the inconveniences. And even though they are present to keep us safe, they serve as a constant reminder that there is reason to think we might not be. There are moments when I just want to be normal.

"No. It's not so bad."

"So why change anything?" I see a pleading in his eyes. He wants me to be happy, but he worries.

Ron told us that he's already scaled our detail back as far as he feels comfortable. Agents no longer trail us while we are in the White House. We have one SUV and four agents with us at home and when we are in public. We are free to use our own vehicle and have the agents follow behind. This is the smallest detail he can give our family. The other option is to forgo protection completely. And that's not Ron's recommendation.

"Okay. We'll keep the detail." I want him to be happy too. And what if I choose wrong and something happens to one of them?

Josh looks relieved. I was knew this is what he wanted, he just didn't want to force it on me.

At Starbucks, Susan gets out of the SUV and walks into the store first. She comes out and nods to us after her quick sweep.

Josh gets Lulu out of the stroller and we stand in line. We get a few stares but we are kind of used to it by now.

Once we have our drinks and Lulu back in the stroller, we head back down M Street towards Pennsylvania Ave. I don't think either of us planned to go this way, it's just that we gravitate towards the White House.

"What are you thinking about?" Josh asks me before taking another sip of his Caramel Macchiato.

"It's an odd world that we've brought our daughter into. Secret service agents, days at the White House, code names."

He looks a little sad. "Not exactly what you imagined, is it?"

"No, _but Josh_! I never imagined that my daughter could grow up to be President! And now, I don't see why it couldn't happen. I can't begin to thank you for letting me be part of this world. Whatever the downside, it can't compare to how I feel right now."

"God, I love you so much. Donna, you could have this whole world without me. You've proven that so many times. I'm just so glad it was my office you picked and that you stuck with me even after the rocky times."

He pauses for a minute. "There are days when I'm ready to chuck it all. To pack you and Lulu up, and move to the middle of nowhere. There are days I'm just sick of the politics. But I look at Lulu sleeping in her crib, and I remember that there's no greater calling than to try to make this a better world for the next generation."

We stop in front of the White House. Of course this is where we ended up. I give a little wave to Michael in the guardhouse. He looks a little surprised to see us but he gives a little wave back and smiles at Lulu.

I look down and see that she's passed out from the fresh air and the movement. We've probably completely screwed up her schedule, but this is too nice to worry about it.

"What do you think?" I ask Josh, "should we keep going?"

"Sure. As long as we stick together."


	8. June 2008

I've been looking forward to this day for weeks. Ever since Donna told me about her idea. My wife is freaking brilliant.

She noticed that POTUS was scheduled to speak to the Teacher's Unions in New York on a Friday in the middle of June. She decided to check out the Mets schedule. She discovered that the Mets are playing the Texas Rangers, so she asked Helen if Matt would want to go to the game. Then the two of them came up with the idea that it would be a great staff bonding experience.

So as soon as this staff meeting is done, we will all be taking a motorcade to Andrews Air Force Base to board Air Force One for a quick flight up to New York.

We do have to do a little work before we can play. The Teacher's unions haven't 100% embraced us yet. So far the education reforms that we've passed have been fairly non-controversial, but POTUS wants to start tackling the tough ones . . . extending the school day and teacher tenure. He's going to need to make a lot more friends before either of those things become a reality.

"Okay everyone, I don't have to tell you how important this speech is. And it's not just the speech itself. We need all of you 100% on your game. Work the crowd. And pay attention to the conversations and reactions at your tables. After lunch, I want everyone back at the hotel working. I expect an emailed briefing of your detailed observations before we head over to the ball game. And I expect to see everyone in jeans and a Mets cap in the lobby of the hotel at 6pm."

"Ditto what Josh just said, except that you'd better all be wearing Rangers caps. Remember, you serve at the pleasure of the President."

Matt and I both give everyone a stare, while they all squirm. Finally, I release them.

"Okay, you're all dismissed."

. . . .

"You killed." I tell POTUS as soon as we are in the elevator. Matt gives me a smirk.

"I kind of figured I had your support. I'm anxious to hear what the others have to report about the reactions from the crowd."

Matt looks to Donna.

"It was an excellent speech. The people around me said it gave them a lot to think about. Their concerns about job security aren't about being able to slack off once they hit a certain age, it's a fear that they'll be replaced with younger teachers just to save money. They want people to remember that innovation in education is good, but that years of teaching experience is valuable too. They aren't against you but they aren't 100 % for you either. They believe that you really do want what's best for students, but they aren't convinced that you necessarily know what that is yet. And they definitely don't feel that you are for them. They have mixed feelings about that but they seem opened minded."

Matt nods slowly. "Thanks Donna. That's good information. What do you think we should do with it?"

"I think we need a Blue Ribbon Commission on Education. I know we already have a department of Education, and Congress has committees. But we need something filled with teachers from across the country, something high profile. We want the teachers to see we are listening to them. And not just the heads of the unions and the political types, we need some normal teachers from across the country. We need to hear what's working and what's not, and what they honestly think about our ideas. That's how you show that you are for teachers, for students, but most of all for Education."

Matt grins at Donna, then me. "You got that, Josh?"

"Yes, sir."

Then Matt grins at Helen. "I'm still p.o.'d at you. You'd better keep an eye on her or one day I'm going to steal her back for my office."

"Oh, I keep her shackled to her desk most days." Helen retorts with a grin at Donna.

Donna blushes at the Santos' off-handed praise. And I feel like I could burst from pride. I always knew she was invaluable. I'm glad that other people are starting to see it too.

. . . .

My 5 minute meeting with Sam turned into 20 and now I'm running a bit late. I have just enough time to change my own clothes. And I've left Donna with Lulu duty. I'm really glad Nicole came with us today.

"Donna? Are you two almost ready?" I ask as I'm opening the door to our room.

The question dies on my lips when I see her. She's standing facing the door, waiting for me. I look her over slowly from top to bottom and then work my way back up. She takes my breath away.

She's wearing sneakers. Her jeans are dark blue and tight. But they look well worn and soft. I want to run my hands over her curves and see for myself.

Her Mets jersey is unbuttoned at the top. I can see a bit of her orange camisole. I can't help but remember last Father's Day. She wasn't wearing anything underneath it then. We had a good time.

Her hair is up in a pony tail and sticking out the back of my lucky Mets cap. I'm a little nervous about that. Maybe I should switch caps with her.

She's grinning at me the whole time I'm leering at her.

"Like what you see?"

"God, yes."

"Dada!" Lulu demands my attention. She's propped on Donna's hip, looking every bit as adorable.

She's wearing her tiny little Mets cap. I'll be keeping the matching one. Donna can wear the lucky one after all.

Donna dressed her in the white Mets onesie that has a baseball design and the logo. Of course, Lulu is wearing a blue, orange and white tutu with it. She also has blue leggings on, as well as her cute little Mets sneakers and socks.

They are both ready to go.

"You'd better hurry." Donna says pointing to the bed, where my clothes are laid out.

. . . .

When we get to the lobby, I look over my staff. Everyone is wearing jeans and looks relaxed and comfortable. They are grinning and teasing each other about which boss they've decided to suck up to.

Ronna, Ned, Bram and Lou are wearing Texas Rangers T-shirts and caps.

I'm surprised to see Otto and Amy are both on my side, wearing Mets gear. So is Annabeth, and Donna's new deputy, Jamie.

Sam is wearing a Duke Basketball T-shirt. The blue is closer to the Met's Blue than the Ranger's blue so I'm counting him for me. Ainsley has a solid orange t-shirt and a Mets cap so she's definitely on our side.

Ryan has Ranger's gear on. I'm a little disappointed. I guess he's decided to aim higher on the brown-nosing.

Nicole is in the lobby too. I'm glad to see that she's wearing Mets gear. Donna probably gave it too her. She's not on duty anymore, but we needed her today, and Donna invited her to join us for the game, just for fun. I'm glad she accepted.

The Santos Family sweeps into the lobby looking picture perfect in their Ranger attire. We are going to get some great photos of the First Family enjoying the All-American pastime. My wife really is a brilliant political operative. It's never to early to start thinking about the re-elect.

. . . . .

The Suite is fantastic. The private room has several large screens to watch the game. There is a great buffet with all sorts of "stadium food." Hot Dogs, Chicken Strips, Pretzels, French Fries, popcorn, cracker-jacks, all sorts of cookies, there's even an ice cream cart. The beverage cart has several brands of beer and soda, plus some juice boxes for the kids.

We arrived early enough that everyone should have a chance to eat before the game even starts. I look around the room feeling pretty content. Then I spot Ryan over in the corner with Nicole. He's teasing her about rooting for the Mets. When he suggests that they have a little side bet, she blushes prettily. I feel my eyes narrow. This is something I might need to keep an eye on. I watch them for a few minutes until she laughs and tucks her hair behind her ear. Then she slips away from him. Okay. I can breathe a little easier now.

When we notice that the game is about to start, we all head out into the outside seating area. This is definitely a photo op, but I'm super excited to hold Lulu while Billy Joel sings the National Anthem. I think he's going to come to the suite and meet the President later. I hope Donna keeps her cool.

After the anthem, I notice that now Otto is pressed up pretty close to Nicole. He's chatting her up about the Mets. She's nodding, but it seems to me that neither of them really has a clue.

Finally, I hear Nicole confess- "I'm not really a baseball fan, I just wore the shirt because Donna gave it to me for the photos."

Otto grins. "Me neither! I just picked the Mets because I don't want to get on Josh's bad side ever again."

Well, here's a tip to avoid my bad side, don't hit on my nanny! I give Otto a little glare, which he notices and scurries away. When Nicole turns around, I smile at her innocently.

She doesn't quite buy it. She must be spending too much time with Donna. But she gives Lulu a big grin, which Lulu returns, squealing at Nicole. It's great to see how much they really like each other. Nicole comes up to us and tickles Lulu's belly, getting another laugh.

"I can take her if you want, Josh. I mean if you want to socialize with your staff."

"No, I'm good. I'm happy to have some family time. It's your night off, you should feel free to socialize. But speaking of my staff . . ." I clear my throat a little, "if Ryan or Otto are harassing you, I can make them disappear."

Nicole throws back her head and laughs, drawing both Ryan and Otto's attentions from across the room. "That sort of had a Godfather vibe to it. Are you offering to take them out for me."

I'd just order them to leave her alone. But I decide to play along. "Whatever it takes. If they are bothering you, let me know. I can make it stop. You're part of my family now."

"Thanks, Josh. That's actually very sweet. I don't mind them, but I'll let you know if it becomes an issue."

Well, I'm glad to hear that. But I'll still be keeping an eye on things myself.

I take a seat with Lulu and pretty soon Peter comes over and sits next to me. The third batter, Josh Hamilton, hits a home run for the Rangers. Peter cheers.

"Watch this," I tell him and Lulu as the home run apple comes out of the magic top hat.

"Does it do that every time?" Peter asks.

"Just homeruns."

"So Baseball's your thing?" Peter asks me after a few minutes.

"Yeah, kind of, especially the Mets."

"Why?" I can tell he's already a little bored.

"It's the thing I did with my Dad. We watched the Mets on the weekends, and we came here a couple times a year to see games live. I'm pretty sad that they are tearing this place down. I have a lot of memories. But I'm glad I get to spend one more game here with all my friends."

"I guess that makes sense. Baseball's okay. But it's not really my thing."

"Football?"

Peter grins and yells, "Go Navy!"

From across the room, Matt yells back, "Beat Army!"

Yeah, I think Peter understands exactly how I feel. The second inning goes by quickly with the Mets still up 2-1. When the Rangers get out quickly at the top of the third, Peter leaves me to go look for a snack.

Otto comes out to watch the game looking a little glum. I glance into the suite and quickly see why. Ryan's back at it with Nicole. Time for Lulu and I to head back in there ourselves.

Once we're in the suite, Donna takes Lulu to give her some strained peas. Ick. That stuff makes me want to gag. When Nicole offers to help, I decide to let her. As soon as she walks away, I give Ryan a little head nod to encourage him to join me outside. I point to the seat next to Otto, and he sits.

"Okay, guys, I sense a little rivalry here over a certain cute nanny."

Both guys get little self-satisfied smug grins on their faces.

Ryan's quick to try to stake a claim. "Yeah, she's pretty cute. You wanna put in a good word for me? I could use a wingman."

I give him a glare. "You shouldn't be thinking of me as a wingman. You should be thinking of me as a protective big brother, who also happens to be your BOSS. I'm not telling either of you to back off, but I am telling you that I'd better not ever discover that you made her cry. _Capisce_?"

Otto looks a little intimidated. But Ryan just grins smugly. That kid has an ego that just won't quit. This could be interesting. I leave them out there and head back into the suite to see what's happening.

I'm just in time to shake Billy Joel's hand before he heads out. After a quick look around, I see that Annabeth's got Lulu, and Donna is putting stuff back in Lulu's diaper bag in the corner. When she looks up, I see her cheeks are kind of flushed. I sense an opportunity for fun.

I trap her in the corner and whisper in her ear. "Did he play you a song? He's the piano man."

" _Josh_!"

"He didn't start the fire, you know!"

She laughs a little, and gives me a shove. I don't mind that she's a little star-struck. I've always found it adorable.

I lean down to her ear again, but this time I sing softly-

_Don't go changin' to try to please me  
You never let me down before,_

_mmmm, mmmm_

_And don't imagine you're too familiar  
And I don't see you anymore_

"Josh." She breathes my name, eyes shining.

I start to give her a kiss when Bram calls out "Get a room!"

Yeah, we'd better save the serenade for home or things could get out of hand. I give Donna a peck on the cheek and grab Lulu from Annabeth. When I head back outside, Donna joins me. There really hasn't been much to this game. Finally at the bottom of the fifth, David Wright hits a sacrifice fly and Reyes scores for the Mets.

"So I heard you had a little chat with Ryan and Otto, earlier."

Uh oh. I wonder if I'm in trouble for interfering. I decide to try to play it cool.

"Yeah. It was good practice. I'm still not happy that I didn't get to vet Anna's homecoming date. And Carly and Miranda are going to be dating before we know it!"

Donna gives me an amused look, so I think I'm safe. "What about Lulu?" She asks.

"I reject the premise of the question."

Donna laughs. It's the best sound in the world. But it startles Lulu who was almost asleep.

"I'd better get her bottle ready. She's not going to make it much longer."

Once Donna leaves, Sam joins me. We sit watching the game in silence for a few minutes, then Donna brings the bottle back to me and I give it to Lulu. While she's drinking it, I give her a play by play.

"You look really good with a baby." Sam offers during a little break. He looks kind of wistful. I wonder how things are going for them. Their first anniversary is coming up pretty quick.

When Lulu's done with the bottle, she's pretty much out. I do manage to coax a burp from her, because I am the burp-master. Then I stand up and take her inside. Sam follows me. I put Lulu down to sleep in her stroller. I hope she'll be okay in here. She's a pretty sound sleeper, but it is pretty noisy.

I join Sam at the buffet table, looking for a snack. I grab a box of cracker-jacks. Then a plate of cheesy-fries. The cookies look pretty good so I grab a couple of those, and also a pretzel, and then I grab a beer. Sam's just taken a bite of a hot dog when we, along with everyone else in the suite, hear Ainsley's voice above the crowd.

"Samuel Seaborn! How many hot dogs have you had today?!" Ainsley's got her hands on her hips, and now Sam has a sheepish look on his face.

By my count he's had at least five, but I'm not going to rat him out. I try to slink away before I can get caught in the cross fire. Unfortunately, the altercation and my presence has caught Donna's attention. She takes one look at my plate and just raises an eyebrow. I put the cracker-jacks back on the table in an attempt to avoid a confrontation. She just tilts her head in a way that lets me know my effort wasn't quite good enough. So I try another tactic.

"Hey baby, I was looking for you. Wanna come watch the game with me? I got us some snacks."

Donna just laughs at me and follows me outside. When we sit down, I wrap my arm around her. Sure, I just lost more than half my fries in this deal. But it's totally worth it.


	9. July 2008

"Aunt Donna!" Carly sprints past Larry to wrap me up in a hug. My Dad looks a little freaked out. But Larry just smiles at her.

"Hey Sweetheart! Glad you're here. How was your trip?"

"It was really long."

I see Josh roll his eyes. He thought it was crazy of my family to drive. It's not completely wrong but it's just the way it is. Seven tickets would have been expensive, and my Dad isn't going to let Josh bankroll his vacation. Plus Moss Family Road Trips are kind of a thing. A thing that I'm glad I never have to experience again.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm glad you're here now!"

"Me too!"

"Okay young lady," Larry calls out. "Come back over here and get your pass. You've been here before, you know the rules."

Carly grins sheepishly and comes back to his desk. Once everyone has a pass around their neck, we're ready to go.

"Okay Carly, should we give Uncle Finn and Aunt Julie and Grandpa Moss the tour?"

"Yes!" She announces, "all right everyone, follow me!"

Josh and I make eye contact. This could be interesting.

I walk with Carly at the front of the group. Finn and Julie are next. She's got Kate in an umbrella stroller. My Mom has Lulu, and Josh is holding Marco's hand, bringing up the rear. Carly walks us to the back of the lobby then turns left throught the doors.

"Okay, to my left we have the Press Secretary's office. That's Bram. Hey, Bram."

Bram looks up in confusion at the half sized tour guide in front of him.

"Hi Donna. Oh hey, Josh. This must be your family?"

"Hey Bram. These are my parents, Jim and Lottie. This is my brother Finn, and his wife Julie, and their children. Marco is 5 and Kate is almost a year and a half old. And I think you remember my niece Carly."

"Um, yeah, sure. Nice to meet you all."

"Okay, moving on," Carly announces. "This is the Policy Bull Pen. That's Aunt Donna's old desk there. Wait until you see her new office!"

I blush a little at Carly's enthusiasm, but I'm glad when she doesn't slow down.

"This is Uncle Josh's old office. It's Sam's office now. And that's Sam."

"Hello, Carly." Sam greets her coming out from behind his desk. "You must be Mr. Moss." He shakes hands with my father. "Nice to see you again, Mrs. Moss." Sam is always very polite.

As soon as I'm done introducing the rest of the family, Carly takes charge again heading back toward the lobby.

"Alright, let's keep moving, folks."

I just shrug at the rest of the family. Josh is working hard to suppress his mirth.

"This is the communications bull pen. This is Lou. She's the communications director, and this is Edie, she's deputy director."

"Hey short stuff! Long time no see!" Lou greets Carly.

"Lou is really cool." Carly tells my parents. "She has tattoos!"

I hear a barely smothers guffaw from Josh in the back, while my Mom gasps and my Dad just looks shocked. Finn is smirking too. Julie whaps his arm. But Lou just grins at all of us.

Carly, unaware of the chaos she's caused, continues with her tour. "Okay, over here is the Roosevelt room. As you can see by the large portrait of Theodore Roosevelt, this room is named for him. That's his Nobel prize on the mantle."

Carly gives everyone a minute to look around before she ushers us to the door. "Okay, right this way. Next stop, Uncle Josh's office."

Margaret is sitting at her desk. As we all troop in, she stands up.

"This is Margaret." Carly announces, "she runs Uncle Josh."

Neither Josh or I can hold back our laughter at that very accurate proclamation.

"Carly, how on earth did you remember all of this from last fall?" I finally ask her.

"Oh, Aunt Donna, the White House has a website you know! Okay, let's see Uncle Josh's office."

Mom grabs my arm and holds me back a second as everyone follows Carly.

"She's been obsessed with the White House lately. She studies the website and reads every book she can get her hands on. When Sean said they weren't coming because of the tournament she sobbed for the rest of the night until Becky called and begged me to bring her with us."

Once we are all in Josh's office though, Carly hesitates and looks at Josh. Certainly she knows where the Oval Office is, but I'm glad to see that she knows that she shouldn't open that door without permission.

"You've done an amazing job, Carly." Josh tells her warmly, "in fact, I think we should hire you. But how about I take it from here?"

"Okay, Uncle Josh."

He lets go of Marco's hand and taps lightly on the door to the Oval as he slowly opens it. Then he turns back towards us, "okay, come on in."

Finn and Julie are clearly in awe as they enter the room. For a moment I remember my first time. It's just an incredible feeling. But Carly looks a little disappointed.

"President Santos isn't here."

"No sweetheart, the First Family is in the Residence getting ready. President Santos will be giving a speech shortly." Josh looks at his watch. "In fact, Donna and I are going to have to leave in a few minutes."

"Carly, is there anything you want to tell us about the Oval office?"

"It was President Taft who ordered the first version of the Oval Office to be constructed in 1909. He ordered it to be built from what used to be the secretary's office. Since part of the room was already round, it was turned into an oval." Carly rattles off. I have to admit I'm really impressed. I didn't know that.

Josh leads us through the outer office. Ronna's at her desk.

"Josh. It's almost time. Are you heading to the Residence?"

"Yeah, as soon as we show the family the Mural Room. Can you have Margaret meet us there?"

As we step through the door, I hear Ronna pick up the phone and call Maragret. We all look at Carly for information. She grins.

"Well, this fireplace was a favorite of President Andrew Johnson, but it's inoperable now. The flue has been welded shut since 1896."

Josh looks at her in disbelief for a few seconds and then gives me a side eye. I try unsuccessfully to keep my smirk at bay. He narrows his eyes at me.

Then Margaret walks in and saves me. "Oh good. Margaret's here. She's going to take you guys out to the South Lawn for the BBQ. Mom are you good with Lulu or should I take her?"

"Oh I'm good!"

"Okay, we'll meet you outside after the President's address."

Josh looks at Margaret. "Get Susan before you go outside."

"Who's Susan?" Julie asks.

"Susan is Lulu's agent today. If Susan thinks there is any danger, she will bring Lulu back inside."

My Mom looks like she wants to say something, but Josh gives her an even stare. "This is non-negotiable."

"Okay."

"Is Peter in the Residence? Can I come with you Uncle Josh?" Carly begs.

"Sorry, sweet pea, you need to stay with Grandpa and Grandma right now. Aunt Donna and I need to do our jobs. But the whole family has been invited up to the Residence to watch fireworks later so you'll get to see Peter and Miranda then."

Carly's bottom lip pops out a little but she nods. Josh and I each give Lulu a kiss and then walk away. I hear her start to fuss a little but Margaret seems to have it under control so I keep walking. Nicole promised me that the separation anxiety is short lived as long as I don't come back every time she fusses, but it's still hard to do.

Josh puts his hand on the small of my back as we go. "Did you put Carly up to that comment in the Mural room?"

I burst out laughing. "I swear I didn't! But the look on your face was priceless!"

He looks skeptical, so I try again. "Believe me, if I had fed that information to her I would have included the fact that if someone were to ignore their extremely valuable assistant and set a fire in that fireplace that the smoke alarms would go off and the President would have to stand outside in his underwear on the Truman balcony!"

"So much trouble." He pretends to be stern while I continue to laugh.

We arrive in the Residence in good humor.

"Tia Donna! Is Carly here?" Miranda jumps up excitedly as soon as she sees me.

"She's outside with my family. You can see her after your Dad's speech."

"Alright." Miranda huffs, falling back onto a couch. "How much longer?"

"Miranda." Helen says her name as a warning. But Miranda continues to pout.

"ONE." Matt says in his large voice as he walks into the room. Miranda immediately sits up, so Matt smiles at her.

"Miranda, why don't you go check on Peter. We've got about 20 minutes before the speech."

Once Miranda leaves the room, Helen confides in us. "She's been out of sorts all morning. She doesn't really want to stay inside or stand on the balcony during the speech. She wants to go outside and find Carly or anybody to play with!"

"Well, of course we'd really like to get family pictures, but if you want to let her go it's fine. We can handle the press questions about where she was."

"No. She can wait another hour to go play. We only do family appearances three times a year. I mean even normal families have obligations, right?"

"Definitely! I had my picture on a Christmas card for almost 30 years when my Dad owned the insurance agency. And Josh and I got scolded just a few months ago for skipping out on Easter Sunday. Do you want me to talk to her?"

"No, Matt already laid down the law. She'll be out there."

"And she'll be on her best behavior if she knows what's good for her."

Matt's tone sends a shiver down my spine. He's really good with the kids but when he brings out his strict Dad voice, it's a little frightening.

"So how's _your_ family visit going?" Helen inquires.

"So far so good! Carly actually did the tour. She did a great job."

"This is your Brother's first time at the White House, right?"

"Yes. He and his wife seemed very impressed."

"They're teachers, right?"

"Yes, sir."

"I want to talk to them before the fireworks. Josh, make sure I get some time with them, okay."

"Yes, sir."

. . . . .

Miranda, Peter and Helen stand behind the President as he gives his Fourth of July address. I'm glad to see that Miranda is perfectly well behaved. The photos will be excellent.

When the speech is over, Helen let's Josh and I take Miranda with us. Our detail leads us directly to my family, who are spread out on a blanket enjoying the USO concert while eating lunch.

Kate is standing up dancing to the music. Lulu is sitting watching her and laughing. I wish I had my camera. I glance around for a White House photographer, but I don't see one. Damn.

"Mama!" Lulu squeals when she spots me. It's the best sound in the world.

"Wow." Julie looks impressed. "She's already calling you by name?"

"Um, yeah, for a while now. Hey, Mom did she eat?"

"Yes, there was a jar of apples and oats in her bag. I gave her that."

"Okay, great. I'm going to take her back to the Residence for her nap. Julie, does Kate need a nap too?"

"I'm not sure she'll nap in a strange location but I'd like to try. If she doesn't nap, we might not make it to the fireworks."

"Okay, come with me."

. . . . .

"This is your room? You really have a room in the White House?"

I bite back a giggle. Of the many amazing things in this building, the fact that Josh and I have a bedroom on the Third Floor is the thing that our family finds the most incredible.

. . . .

Once Lulu is asleep, I check in on Kate and Julie in the next room over. Kate is asleep on a folded up blanket on the floor. Julie's putting board books back in her diaper bag.

"Let's go to the Music Room. If we leave the doors open, from there we'll be able to hear Kate and she won't be able to leave the room with out us seeing her."

I sit Lulu's monitor down on the coffee table and take the chair across from Julie.

"So, how was the trip?"

"Exhausting. We drove from Green Bay to your parents on Tuesday. Then Wednesday we left Madison at 9 am. We drove until lunch time. Kate napped most of that time, and Marco and Carly played games. But I was so happy when we finally pulled into the rest area. Your Mom had packed a cooler so ate there while the kids ran around. Then we got back in the car and drove to Indianapolis. Marco and Carly watched a movie and Kate fell asleep, so that was good. We took a break there. The children's museum is really fantastic. When Lulu's older you should definitely go."

"Maybe we could meet there sometime."

"Good idea."

Although if we meet there, my family will definitely be flying.

"So after dinner, we got back in the car and drove another 3 hours. That took us just outside of Columbus Ohio. Even though it was almost 10 we went down to the pool so Marco and Carly could burn off some energy. Nobody was very excited to get back the car on Thursday. It's about 6 hours from Columbus to DC. Your Dad only wanted to stop once!"

"Well, you got a glimpse of Finn's childhood! All our family trips were like that. We used to drive to Minnesota or Oklahoma every year to visit family. Both of those drives are about 10 hours. His goal was always to stop no more than 3 times! Believe me, you didn't want to be the one to ask him for a rest stop any earlier than he had planned!"

"Four kids in the car! I can't believe you didn't have to stop more often."

"Well, his belt was a pretty good motivator, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, Finn's mentioned it on occasion. I'm glad your Dad has mellowed over the years. I could tell he was frustrated by the extra stops we made, I heard him snap at Finn a couple times, but he was very good with the rest of us."

"I'm really surprised that Finn agreed to drive with them. God knows I never would."

"You know Finn, he's so easy going. When your parents suggested it, it sounded like a good idea to me. We can't really afford the airfare, and we miss you guys. So when I said we should do it, all he said was "A Moss Family Road Trip, what could go wrong?"

That gets a chuckle out of me. "Has he told you any of those stories?"

"Just a couple. Did you really get your arm caught in a vending machine?"

"Yes. But only once! Believe me I learned my lesson."

"Mommmmeeee!"

Kate's yell ends our little trip down memory lane. When I look up, Josh is standing in doorway with a strange look on his face.

"Hey! How long have you been there?"

"A little while. I brought Miranda and Carly back inside, then I checked on Lulu. She's still sleeping peacefully. Then I heard you and Julie down here."

"So you were eavesdropping?"

"You don't talk that much about your childhood. I was curious."

I give a little shrug. I've told him a few stories. He doesn't talk that much about his childhood either.

"How about one night this weekend we have my parents watch all the kids and we take Finn and Julie out for drinks and we can all tell funny stories about growing up?"

. . . .

After the Fireworks on Friday night, everyone sleeps in on Saturday morning. I'm especially happy when I wake up in Josh's arms at 9am. This is a rare occurrence.

"Hey beautiful. I turned off your alarm. Since we aren't going in to the office today, I figured you could sleep in. Lulu's already back down for her morning nap. And your family's not coming over until Kate gets up from her morning nap. So you know what that means?"

"Umm... hold on . . . I think I vaguely remember what we used to do when we had alone time."

Really, I'm just teasing him. Our sex life hasn't suffered that much since Lulu was born. We don't have naked Sundays anymore, but we still carve out plenty of adult time. It just tends to come in smaller chunks and we are frequently fairly tired when it happens. 90 minutes while we're both well rested is a small miracle.

Josh slowly peels my t-shirt off and tosses it toward the hamper. "Well, since your memory is a little spotty. Let me just remind you."

. . . .

"Are you sure about this?" Josh asks my parents again.

"Yes, Josh! We'll be fine. Both the girls go to bed in an hour. Marco already picked out a movie to watch. Although with all the walking we've done for the last 2 days, I'd bet money he doesn't make it to the end."

"Okay, well, I'm leaving an agent. If there is an emergency just open the front door and tell Kevin."

I see my Mom actually roll her eyes as I yank Josh out the front door.

"Are _you_ sure about this?" I ask Josh as soon as the door closes.

"We've never left her before!"

Julie looks surprised. "Really?"

"We've gone out without her several times."

"Yeah, but not like this." Josh grumbles.

"Who normally babysits for you?" Finn asks, genuinely curious. I know Julie's parents babysit a lot for them. And my parents do a little bit as well.

I cross my arms and wait for Josh to respond. I'm looking forward to the look on Finn's face.

"The First Lady." He mumbles.

Finn starts to laugh. "You're kidding?!"

"No. Most of our date nights are official functions. Usually our nanny watches Lulu in the Residence during those. But when it's just Donna and I, Helen usually insists on watching Lulu herself. She really likes babies, and I feel a lot better if Lulu is in the White House when she's not with us."

"So you've really never left her home with a babysitter before?"

"No."

"So you're leaving an armed guard at the door."

"Well, duh." Josh replies.

. . . .

"The Hawk N' Dove?" Julie says as we pull up.

"Yeah, it's one of our favorite. It was close to a dive bar when we first started working it the White House. But it's matured along with us. It's got pretty good food, and the music is good too."

Once we are settled into a booth and half way through our first drinks. Josh looks at me expectantly.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"You promised me funny stories in exchange for leaving our baby alone and defenseless. Amuse me."

Finn and Julie burst into laughter. Alright, Finn. You asked for it.

"So one time we went to Mackinaw Island."

"Oh NO!" Finn exclaims. "You can't tell him this story! He wants to hear stories about you!"

"Oh yes!" Julie sits up excitedly. "I haven't heard this story. Please go on."

Josh is already laughing and I haven't even started the story yet.

"So, For family vacation, Mom decided we should drive all the way around Lake Michigan to go sight-seeing."

"Oh my god." Josh exclaims. "How long would that take?"

"Oh about a million hours." Finn responds dryly.

"We drove up from Madison, then across the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, then across the Mackinaw Bridge, and stopped in Mackinaw City. That took about 6 hours."

"How old were you?" Julie asks.

"Let's see. I was going into second grade, so I was 7. Finn was going into fourth, so you were what 9 or 10?"

"9. I was a couple weeks away from turning 10. I remember because Mom threatened to take my birthday away at least twice during that trip!"

"We camped overnight, then the next day we took a high speed ferry over to the island."

"Did you get seasick?" Josh teases me.

"No, I told you, I'm normally fine on a boat!"

"So what happened?" Julie's anxiously awaiting some dirt on Finn.

"Well everything on the Island is old fashioned. There are no cars. There's a fort, and the Governor's Summer Home is there, and there's the Grand Hotel."

Finn groans; Julie grins.

"As you might guess from the name, the hotel is fancy. They give tours but there are parts you can't go into unless you are dressed up. Our family was doing the free, non-dressy part, when Finn somehow ends up following the dressed up group."

"It was really amazing." Finn grins, "we should go there for our anniversary or something."

"Sure, babe." Julie responds, fully aware that he's trying to distract us. "Please go on Donna."

"About 10 minutes go by and Mom had just decided to do a head count, when all of a sudden the fire alarms go off and they start evacuating. Just as we get to the doors, Finn slides up and takes my hand."

"You set off the fire alarm!?" Julie exclaims.

"There was this old fashioned pole with an old red box on it. It had a crank and a bell. I opened it up to get a closer look at it. I was just going to see if the crank turned."

Josh is laughing so hard, tears are leaking out of his eyes.

"Oh my god, Finn. How much trouble did you get in?" Julie wants to know.

"None. I was at the very end of that other tour. No one knew I was there. As soon as the alarm started I skedaddled back to the right group and grabbed Donna. When we got outside, Mom was very proud of me for making sure my little sister got out okay. And Donna never told anyone that I hadn't been there the whole time."

"That was very sweet of you, Donna." Josh praises me.

"SWEET?! HA!" Finn exclaims. "She bribed me for the rest of the trip! I was so scared she'd tell Dad, that I did everything she asked me to. I think Mom was getting a little suspicious at how good of a brother I was being."

Josh looks at me in amazement. But I just shrug.

"Hey. At least I didn't rat him out. You know Bella would have told on you."

When Josh stops laughing, he says "Okay, Finn, your turn to pay her back. Tell me a funny Donna story!"

"Okay. I think this was the next summer. On the way to Tulsa we stopped in Springfield, Illinois to see the birthplace of Lincoln. You were 8 going on 9, right Donna?" He grins a bit evilly at me.

"This story doesn't really have a happy ending." I protest weakly.

"Well, not for you. But for the rest of us it was pretty funny. I think there is even a picture of it!"

"Really?" Josh perks up even though he hasn't heard the story yet. He's fascinated by pictures me as a kid.

"I destroyed the photo about 13 years ago after Mom showed an old boyfriend."

Josh's eyes narrow a bit as he quickly does the math and correctly guesses that the old boyfriend was Dr. Freeride. I'm marginally glad when Finn continues, even though I hate the story. I just hope he can make it sound funny to everyone else.

"Donna always collected brochures. Everywhere we went, she'd stop at those little racks and pick up the brochure for anything that interested her. Then she'd read them in the car. Then she'd annoy all of us with the facts and pester my parents about stopping at those places."

Josh grins at me. "Yeah, I can believe that."

"So we'd been to the state capitol and she'd collected a stack. And we'd been to the Lincoln memorial and she'd collected a stack. And she picked up another stack on the way into the Lincoln Home. It wasn't that long of a tour. About 20 minutes. But we get to the end of it and Donna isn't with us. So we back track, and there's Donna, two bedrooms from the end, curled up on the bed reading her brochures."

"They were really good brochures!" I force a little chuckle.

"Just then another tour comes through and the tour guide freaks out. She's yelling at Donna that the bed is priceless and to get off. But Donna freezes. My Dad is getting steamed up, because Donna won't get off the bed. So my Dad ducks under the red velvet rope, picks Donna up, sits down in the nearest chair, turns her over his knee, gives her several really good swats, and then the chair breaks!"

"So Donna's crying, the guide is yelling. Sean and I are laughing hysterically, and Bella snaps a picture."

Finn starts laughing at the memory and I smile weakly. But Josh and Julie sort of grimace. That's what I thought. It's not really a funny story.

"So how about you, Julie, any funny family vacation stories?" I ask to try to move things along.

Julie tells us about the time her brother wet his pants at Disney World because he didn't want to get out of line to see Mickey Mouse and kept telling everyone he didn't really have to pee even though he was doing the potty dance like crazy.

"Your turn Josh." She says once the laughter dies down.

"Well, I can't really think of anything as funny as Finn and the fire alarm." He thinks for a minute then starts. "When I was about 10, we went to the beach. Mallory and I took turns burying each other in the sand. Except after she buried me she made it look like I was a mermaid with a sea shell bra!"

He chuckles at the memory and smiles.

"Mallory is your sister?" Julie asks. And I see a little of the light fade from Josh's eyes.

"No, my sister died when I was 8. That vacation was the first one we took after."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Josh!" Julie exclaims.

"It's okay. Honest mistake. A good friend of my Dad's invited us to their beach house. Mallory was an only child too. We ended up vacationing together about once a year. We had fun."

I smile at Josh and he smiles back. Even if we don't have funny memories, I guess it's still nice to share them.

Finn signals the waitress and orders us all another round of beers.

"So should we tell them about the time we hit a deer in the middle of Minnesota?" I ask Finn. He grins and launches into the story. It's a much better one because no one got in trouble, and soon we're all laughing again.

. . . . .

Once everyone's gone and Josh and I are snuggled into bed for the night, he wraps his arm around my waist and whispers in my ear.

"I promise, we'll make lots of happy childhood memories for Lulu."

And I believe we will.


	10. August 2008

9 months have gone by so quickly. Some days I just want to try to stop time. Even though I know I can't.

These every day moments aren't lost on me. Sometimes that surprises me.

I didn't realize that I had it in me to slow down like this. To just sit here and rock with Lulu without worrying about what's next. To enjoy each breath. To marvel at the length of her eyelashes or the sprinkling of freckles that has popped up across her nose.

I didn't know that I'd appreciate the chance to hold her while she drinks a bottle or that I'd even be aware that these times are drawing to a close.

She's already cutting back on the number of bottles, starting to use a sippy cup, and eating more and more real food.

And I've realized that there are somethings I want to tell her. Sure, I expect to have the opportunity to tell her when she's older, but I know all to well that sometimes we don't get as much time as we'd like with our loved ones. August always reminds me of how close I came to missing all of this. It breaks my heart to even consider not being here to watch Lulu grow up, but if for some reason I'm not, I want to make sure I've told her all the things she needs to know. And that most of all, that she knows that I love her.

That's why I set up the video camera. I've turned the rocker so it's facing the bookshelf. I figured maybe if I tape myself while I'm feeding her, I won't be so self conscious.

"So, Lulu. I've been thinking about this for a while. Really ever since Father's day. I'm sorry if this all comes out kind of lame, but at least you'll know your old man tried.

First, I want you to know that I know that there are going to be moments in your life where having a old guy for a Dad is going to kind of stink. And I want to let you know, I'm sorry about that. I'm going to do my best not to let my age slow us down but when it does, we'll stop and smell the flowers or notice the way spider webs look. We'll try to find the good in it.

But I have to tell you that I wouldn't change anything, because if I changed anything about how your Mom and I met, or how long it took us to figure things out, then we might not have you. And I love you and your Mom more than anything in the world. I can't imagine my life without you. So I wouldn't do anything that might mean missing out on this.

Honestly, I don't think I'd even be alive today if it wasn't for your Mom. I got hurt really badly once, you might even read about it in your history book someday. I don't know what it will say, but here's what I want you to know. Sometimes it looks like hate wins. But it doesn't. Love always wins in the end as long as there are still people with love in their hearts. So hold on to the love, no matter what happens. Find a way to hold on to the love.

Love is the reason I'm still here today. After some boys shot me because they hated everyone who was different then them, your Mom took care of me. At first, I thought it was because she worked for me, but your Bubbe told me that I was a schmuck. Bubbe was right. No one would do all that your Mom did unless they really cared about you, so I finally admitted that she was the best friend I ever had, but that's all I admitted.

Anyway, your Mom made me follow a bunch of rules, I think you're going to find out that your Mom really likes rules. She likes to know what is expected of her and she likes everyone else to know what she expects too. I like to tease her about it, but she's not an evil tyrant. She's smart and she's fair. And you and I would probably be wise to follow her rules. So she made rules to help me recover and she made everyone else, even Grandpa Jed, follow them.

Do you know what rule was number 1? "Never give up." There were days I wanted to. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to blink. I was tired. I was sad. And I was scared. But your Mom told me I wasn't allowed to give up. So I didn't. And here I am.

Now you might think that I must have fell in love with her that summer. But like your Bubbe said, I was a schmuck. I mean I knew I loved her, don't get me wrong, but I didn't let myself admit I was _in_ love with her. And it took me a long time to figure that out.

I knew your Mom was special the very first time I met her. She was brave, and tenacious. And smart, and funny, and cute as hell. So I liked her right away. And within a few months, I even knew that I more than liked her, but if anyone asked me, I would have said that I loved her the same way as I love Uncle Sam or Uncle Toby or Aunt Zoey or Uncle Charlie. But the more time that went by, the more I knew I didn't love her the same as any of those people. I loved her more. But I really didn't understand how much more until I almost lost her.

The first time I almost lost her it was because I didn't tell her how I felt. It took another man getting interested in your Mom for me to finally realize that I loved her as more than a friend, as more than family. I loved her in a way that if I ever lost her, I would be incomplete. But you know what? I was still a schmuck and I still didn't tell her, because I was scared. Don't let fear hold you back baby girl. Once you know something in your soul, act on it. Don't wait until it's too late.

But I didn't act, and I almost lost her a second time. You'll probably read about that in your history book too. Your Mom and I haven't figured out how we are going to explain our scars to you, even though we know that someday you'll probably ask about them. Whatever we manage to say just remember, evil doesn't win unless we let it.

So, anyway, even after almost losing your Mom twice, it still took me a long time to get my act together. But luckily your Mom has always been the smart one. She knew when it was time to make a change. She was brave enough to walk away from the White House and take a new job, even though it meant leaving me behind, and that change helped me eventually come to my senses.

Your Mom can tell you all about our story. She'll probably tell it better. The only thing I want to make sure that you know is that you are the product of the greatest love story ever. Even though I'm a schmuck sometimes, I finally figured out that your Mom is my soulmate. There never was, and there never will be, another woman that I could love like I love your Mom, and I really believe that when this life is over, we'll find each other again. When it gets to the point when I'm not with the two of you, keep her company for me until we meet again, okay?"

I take a deep breath and look over at the camera. The record light is still blinking, and Lulu is still looking at me with her wide blue eyes. So I go on.

"There are some stories your Mom doesn't know. Those are the stories I want to tell you. We'll probably have to do this more than once. I hope you don't mind.

So, let me tell you about my Dad. His name was Noah Lyman. You're kind of named after him. Your Mom really liked the name Noah for a boy. She knew my Dad was important to me, and even though she only met him once she wanted to honor him. It was your Grandma Moss who suggested Leonora for a girl. I knew it was a perfect name for you because it combines the names of two men that really mean a lot to me, Leo McGarry, who I'll tell you about later, and my Dad, Noah. Your Mom thought that Leonora might be too much. Apparently she finds Donnatella to be a handful sometimes. But I love both of your names. So if you don't like Leonora, you can blame me, and your Mom will commiserate with you.

Lulu is all me too. I started calling you that before you were born, and now everyone seems to. Your Mom said she might call you Nora when you get older, but honestly, you'll always be Lulu to me. I hope you like it.

Anyway, back to my Dad. Noah Lyman was a really good Dad. I loved him very much. My number one goal in life has always been to make him proud of me.

That's kind of why I went to Harvard and Yale. That's where he went too. And his Dad, my grandfather, also went to Yale. Technically, we're all lawyers, although someday your Mom might tell you that I'm not a real lawyer.

I'll be honest, I would really like it if you went to Harvard. I'll probably say it a lot. But it's okay if you don't. I want you to make the choices that will make you happy. Don't ever let my aspirations for you get in the way of your own dreams.

My Dad taught me that. Even though he was really excited when I went to Harvard, then Yale law school. He wasn't upset when I told him I wasn't going to be a litigator like him. I wanted to go into politics, like his friend Leo. He gave Leo a bit of a hard time for leading me astray. But we both knew that he was just kidding. And once I told my Dad what my dreams were, he encouraged me to follow them. And he did everything he could to help me reach them.

I think you are going to do great things, Lulu. But if ever seems like I'm putting too much pressure on you, or that my expectations are overshadowing what you want from life, just tell your Mom. She'll smack me on the back of the head and bring me back to my senses. She knows what it's like to have to break free from what other people want for you. Your grandparents are nice people but they had ideas about what kind of life your Mom should have. It took a lot for your Mom to become her own person. And she did. She made some mistakes along the way but they just helped her get even better.

I keep getting side tracked and talking about your Mom. I can't help it. She's the best person I've ever known. But I really do want to tell you about My Dad.

Another thing he taught me was to work hard. He was a partner at Debevoise & Plimpton. That's a big law firm in New York. Everyday he'd go in at 7 in the morning and come home at 8 at night. A lot of times he took the train or used a driver so he could work during the commute. He was good at what he did, and he helped a lot of people.

During the week, it seemed like all he did was work. But on the weekends, we'd work together in the yard for a while. Then we played catch or practice hitting. We'd watch the Mets on TV and few times a year we'd go to Shea Stadium. He's the reason I love baseball.

There were times when I resented how much he worked, but he was there for all the important moments. And he was there on the weekends. And I never doubted he loved me.

I know there may be sometimes this job means that I'll have to be away from you more than I'd like, but I promise, I be there for the important moments, and I be here on weekends, and I will make sure you never have any reason to doubt that I love you.

Because, Lulu, I love you so much. I wish I could tell you, but honestly, I don't have enough words. And really there is no way for you to know until you have kids of your own. It's the most incredible feeling ever.

There was only one thing my Dad didn't do for me. He never stopped smoking. I asked him to several times when I was little, but he just couldn't quit. Eventually he got lung cancer, and it killed him. So he didn't get to know that I finally got smart and asked your Mom to marry me. And he never got to meet you.

So I promise, I'm going to do my best to stay healthy. I don't smoke. I'm eating a lot more salads and I'm running a lot more these days. I want to be there when you are ready to walk down the aisle, and I want to be there to meet your children. I'll do everything I can to make that happen. Okay?"

Lulu's eyes are closed now. I know even if she were awake she wouldn't really understand what I've been saying, but I wanted to say this out loud. Realistically, I know that she's probably going to have to live most of her adulthood without me, just like I've had to live without my Dad. I want her to be able to hear my voice whenever she needs it. I want to make sure that she knows what she means to me.

I hear a sniffle from the door way and look over my shoulder. Donna's standing there with tears running down her face. But she's smiling at me.

"How long have you been eavesdropping?"

"Long enough. That was the sweetest thing ever. God, I want to jump you right now."

"Donna! Turn the video off before you say something like that!"

"You recorded it?"

"Yeah. I thought maybe I'd start recording some stuff. Just in case . . ."

"Don't talk that way. You know I can't stand that."

"I know. That's why I didn't tell you, silly. Let me just put her in the crib and we can get back to the other thing."

"What thing was that?"

"The part where you wanted to jump me for being so sweet."


	11. September 2008

Summer has sailed by and fall is back upon us. I always breathe a bit easier when we get past August, even after all this time. Jamie thinks I'm crazy. He prefers the slower pace of summer, when Congress is on recess, but not me. I like being busy. I like it when there is a lot to accomplish.

"Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh." Lulu is banging her sippy cup on the tray calling for her snack. I drop a handful of cereal in front of her and she gives me a grin. Then I take a seat across from her.

"Say Thank You Mama." I tell her. It's never too early to work on manners.

"Mama." Close enough.

"Your welcome."

"'come."

She's such a little parrot. While Josh hasn't completely convinced me that her speech development is ahead of schedule, I will concede that she's at the upper end of the range.

Mobility is definitely not ahead. She's only been crawling for about a month, and actually it's more like she scoots around while she's sitting. She likes to stand if someone holds her under the arms, but she isn't showing any signs of walking yet. I'm actually glad. I'm perfectly happy with her being my baby a while longer.

Dr. Francis says not to worry, she's still in the correct range for that too. Josh on the other hand considers it his personal mission to teach Lulu how to walk.

While Lulu is eating her snack, take a few minutes to re-read my notes on AVAWA, Helen wants to include this in her fall agenda. She wants to use the full weight of her office to get this passed before the midterms.

I've barely gotten any further into my reading when Nicole pops out of the bathroom. Lulu grins at her. "NeeNee."

"Hey, you look great! Big plans tonight?"

She's wearing a slinky black dress. She teased her hair and twisted it into an up-do. And she's wearing lipstick. I'm no rocket scientist, but this outfit has date written all over it. Plus there's the fact that she stuck around after work and changed here. I can add two and two together. I'm just wondering which of the guys finally manned up and asked her out.

"Yeah, Ryan and I are going out as soon as he gets off."

"Shhhh! For God's sake, make sure Josh doesn't hear you or he'll never let Ryan out of here."

I look around reflexively, half expecting Josh to pop out of the closet or something.

"He wouldn't sabotage my date. . . . Would he?"

That naïve question has me chuckling. "Hell, yes! He would."

"But why?"

"Well, you're blonde, 24, and you remind him of someone."

She cocks her head and studies me for a second. "You?!"

"Yes, you could practically be my little sister. Josh has started thinking of you as family. And he's very protective of his family."

"But he knows Ryan!"

"Yes, but that's not going to actually help you in this case. He's known Ryan since he was a cocky little intern. And while Josh may be taking Ryan a lot more seriously at work now that he's matured, that doesn't mean he's going to think Ryan is good enough for you." Truth be told, I'm not 100% sure Ryan is good enough for her either. The old Ryan definitely wasn't, but he has gotten a lot better in the last few years. I'll give him a chance. But I'll break his knees if he hurts her.

"What should I do?"

"Seriously, what time are you supposed to meet him?"

"He was going to come up here and get me as soon as he's done. We just figured that would be more convenient."

"Oh no, no, no, no." I pause for a minute. "Here's what you are going to do. You're going to get out of here before Josh comes up here. You can wait in my office. Have Ryan text you when he's ready, but don't leave the White House together. Have him get a cab, then meet him outside of the South Gate."

"Donna, am I doing something wrong? Is there a policy against me dating someone who works here? I don't you guys to be mad at me. And I definitely don't want to get Ryan fired."

"No! You're not doing anything wrong. Josh won't fire him. We're just giving you and Ryan a fighting chance, before your newly self-appointed big brother ruins things in a very sweet, over-protective way."

"Okay, thanks. Are you good here? I know you've got a lot of stuff you're working on. If you need me, I can stay up here and take my chances."

"Thanks, but I'm okay. I'm just working ahead on some legislation that Mrs. Santos wants to support. When Lulu is done with her snack, I'll put this memo away and then we'll see if we can't find Josh and drag him out of his meeting with Ryan so you can go have some fun."

"Thanks Donna. Bye, Bye Lulu." Nicole leans down and plants a kiss on the top of her head.

"Bye, Bye." Lulu parrots back with a wave.

When Nicole leaves, I put the memo away anyway. It's too depressing to read with Lulu in the room. I'd rather talk to her while she has her snack.

As soon as Lulu is done, I gather our things and head towards the West Wing. I feel a little like a pack mule. I've got her diaper bag on my back, my briefcase in one hand and I'm balancing Lulu on my hip. It's a good thing that its warm enough that we don't need jackets. I probably just should have waited for Josh to come find us, but I'm ready to go home. If he's going to be too much longer we might go on our own.

"Hi!" Lulu chirps as she sees Uncle Sam coming down the hall.

"Hi Lulu!" He stops and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

"Hey Sam. You heading home?" He must have just left Josh's office. That bodes well for us getting out of here.

"Yeah, Ainsley's in her office. She's pretty tired. I need to get her out of here."

"Us. Too. You guys wanna come over this weekend? Saturday?"

"Yeah, that sounds good, but it's up to Ainsley. I'll have her text you, okay?"

"Sounds good."

When I get to Margaret's office I discover Josh with his backpack over one shoulder, ready to go. He's just going over some last minute scheduling.

"Hey Margaret."

"Hey Donna. . . Hey Lulu, you want some puffs?"

"She just had some cheerios. She's fine."

"Can I have some puffs?" Josh asks.

"No!" Margaret and I both rebuke him at the same time. It's weird how much he likes those things.

"Okay, Okay." He grumbles, reaching for Lulu. "You'd share with me, wouldn't you?"

"Da-dee!"

"Okay, let's go." Josh slips his hand on the small of my back, just below Lulu's diaper bag, and ushers me out the door.

"I know something that you don't know." Josh sings to me as soon as we get in the car.

"I highly doubt that."

"I do. I know a secret that no one else knows."

"You do not."

"I do, and since you don't believe me, I'm not going to tell you what it is!"

"I bet I can guess."

"I bet you can't."

'You wanna put your money where your mouth is?"

Josh gives me a leer. "I wanna put something else where my mouth is."

Oh. Well. Let the foreplay begin. Bantering always turns both of us on, especially when he's this blatant about it. I just need to signal that I'm up for it. "This could be quite the bet, couldn't it. . . . Name your terms."

"If you don't guess correctly, you have to spend the rest of the night naked." His voice drops an octave. "And I will put my mouth, where ever I please."

"Well, that's hardly a penalty for me, is it?"

"We'll see. What are your terms?"

"If I guess correctly, you have to ask Margaret about the book she's been reading for her book club."

His voice gets high and squeaky. "Dooonnnnaaa, that's too harsh. If I win I made it something you'd like!"

"Well, you're nicer than I am. But okay, I'll give you another option. If I win you have to give up the puffs."

"Permanently?"

"3 days."

"O.k. deal. But you only get one shot. This is all or nothing."

"Okay, the big secret is . . ."

"WAIT!"

"Why?"

"I don't want you to get naked before we get into the house."

"Pretty confident, are you?"

"Yep." He smirks at me and reaches into the diaper bag and pulls out the container of puffs and shakes some into his hand. Lulu reaches out for her share and he grins at her.

I smirk right back at him. "Better enjoy those while you can." He is so going down.

As soon as we are in the house and the door is closed, he grins at me. "Okay. Go ahead." He's bouncing on the balls of his feet. I almost hate to burst his bubble. Almost.

So I take my time, putting down my briefcase, taking off the diaper bag, and then taking Lulu from him so he can lose his gear too. With every minute I delay, he's looking more and more cocky. Poor delusional man. When will he learn? I know everything. Finally, I turn and look him right in the eye.

"Ainsley's pregnant."

His face falls. It's almost comical.

"How did you know that? Sam said nobody knows. They haven't told anyone!"

"Well. I know everything."

"Yeah," he says glumly. "I should have known better. Seriously. How'd you find out?"

"Ainsley can't look at food without running to the bathroom. I know morning sickness when I see it. I left her a box of those preggie pops on her desk last week with a note that said, let me know when you're ready."

"Ah, ha! So you didn't really KNOW, you just assumed. Whereas I actually KNOW. So I think I win the bet."

"Think again, Mister."

"Seriously Donna, I even know the due date, do you know the due date?"

Okay, so I don't literally know everything. I almost hate to confess this. "Um, no. I don't."

"I rest my case."

"You're not a real lawyer." I volley back with a grin.

"But I know how to negotiate, baby." He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me close so we are having a little family hug. Then he whispers in my ear. "How about a compromise? I'll give up puffs for 3 days and after Lulu goes to bed, you'll spend the rest of the night naked."

I pretend to think it over for a few minutes, before agreeing. "Deal."

Josh lets me go and pumps his fist in the air. "YES!"

"YES!" Lulu agrees.

And I have to say, I don't really mind how this worked out either. I smirk to myself as I head to the kitchen to get dinner out of the crock-pot and on to the table.

"So, how _did_ you find out?" I ask Josh, while I'm mashing some potatoes for Lulu.

"Sam slipped. I had been harassing Ryan all night because he was trying to get out of the office. He has a date or something. So I told him that it was going to be a late night, we'd be there until at least midnight or 1. I tell ya, Donna, he looked like he was going to cry. So I said don't be such a baby. Then Sam said, I'm having a baby. Then he looked mortified. It totally just slipped out."

Josh follows me out to the dining room and puts Lulu in her high chair while I put our plates on the table.

"Great, so Ryan knows too?" I call back over my shoulder as I head into the kitchen for glasses of water. When I come back, he's already feeding Lulu the mashed carrots. He likes to make sure she gets at least a few bites in her before he let's her go at it with her own spoon.

"Yep, Ryan knows. But I swore him to secrecy and let him leave." He raises an eyebrow at me. "Where'd you hide Nicole? I expected to see her waiting for him."

Damn. He knows. I'd better play it cool. "My office. It's a good thing you didn't see her. She looked smokin' hot." I try for a teasing tone, but he's looking kind of serious about this.

"I don't know about this, Donna. It seems like a bad idea. Office place romances don't end well."

I just look at him for a minute. "Are you freakin' kidding me? What about us? What about Sam and Ainsley? What about Charlie and Zoey?!"

"Well, none of us actually dated while we worked together."

"Nicole and Ryan don't really work together. They barely work in the same building. If nothing becomes of it, they'll easily be able to avoid each other. You're worrying about nothing."

And I don't think it's your real concern.

"I'm still not sure he's good enough for her." There it is.

"She's old enough to make up her own mind. And he's matured A LOT since he was your intern. Give them a chance."

"Okay, Okay."

"Ahkay. Ahkay." Lulu babbles, smiling at Josh. He smiles back at her, instantly out of his brooding.

I add some diced carrots to Lulu's tray. Chasing them with her spoon will keep her entertained for most of dinner time.

"Okay, tell me the rest. What did Sam say and when's Ainsley due?"

Josh grins at me, then takes a big bite of his roast beef and chews it slowly. He likes being in the know and he's going to make me wait.

"Oh, real mature. Are you having a little power trip right now?" I tease him. "Paying me back for helping Nicole avoid your over-protective big brother routine?"

He narrows his eyes a little at the reminder that I helped them avoid detection. I feel a thrill as I sense what he's about to say.

"No. This isn't payback for that. I'll wait until I have you naked for payback time."

His voice shoots straight to my parts. Well. Tonight should be fun.

" _Josh, please._ " I beg. His eyebrows shoot up and he gets an adorable smirk on his face. He likes it when I beg. And I like watching the reaction it has on him. " _Please,_ tell me when Ainsley's due date is." I let my voice get husky. "I'll make it worth your while."

I hope Lulu goes to bed easy tonight, because Mommy and Daddy really need some alone time.

Josh grins at me and drops the banter. I think we're both about at our limit while the baby is still awake.

"April 15th. A tax baby. And as you obviously know, Ainsley's been pretty sick. Sam had a lot of questions about that too."

"Well, they were probably going to wait until the 12 week mark but now that the cat's out of the bag, I hope she officially tells me soon. By the way I invited them over for dinner this weekend. Maybe they'll tell us then. I'll make something that's easy on her stomach."

"Okay, that's a good idea. OH! I promised Sam we'd act surprised when they told us."

"Ha! Ainsley probably already knows that he blew the secret."

"Wanna bet?"


	12. October 2008

"Happy Birthday" Donna greets me as she comes into the kitchen dressed for work.

"You know I don't like to celebrate."

"Oh? So you don't want a birthday kiss?"

"Well, okay, yeah, I'll take one of those."

She sits down in my lap, wraps her arms around my neck, and kisses the daylights out of me.

When she's done she grins and says "You know, you're pretty good at that for an old man."

Growling a little at her, I take her face in my hands and go back for seconds. By the time I'm finished, we're both ready to move this party into the bedroom.

But it's a Thursday, we've need to be at work in 30 minutes. Maybe we can be quick or a little late.

"Da-dee! Mama! Here!"

Welp, there goes that idea. Lulu's awake and calling us. In a complete sentence. Donna doesn't appreciate how advanced this is. On average, babies start speaking in sentences between 18 months and 2 years. Lulu isn't quite one yet! She really is quite remarkable.

Donna slides off my lap. "You wanna get her? I'll get the coffee ready to go." It's my birthday, the one day a year she'll get me coffee, even if I'm not about to be fired.

When I walk into the nursery, I'm greeted by Lulu standing in the crib facing the door. I'm glad to see that she pulled herself up. She's doing that more and more. Hopefully walking won't be too far away now.

"Da-dee!" Her whole face lights up when she sees me. I had no idea that having a child would make me feel this way, and even here almost a year later, I'm still a bit overwhelmed at it.

"Hey Lulu!" I greet her back, lifting her out of the crib and snuggling her to my chest. "Good morning baby girl. Did you have a good night? Did you dream of all the amazing things you're going to do?"

Lulu hugs me back and I bury my face in the auburn curls at her neck. This getting old thing really isn't so bad.

"Well let's get you dressed. So do you think Mama has a special outfit for you to wear on my birthday?"

"I heard that!" Donna calls from the other room.

My eyes get wide and I make a funny face at Lulu. She immediately laughs at me.

"Well, Lulu, since she heard me and didn't say that there is a special outfit, I guess I can pick whatever I want, can't I?" I whisper so that Donna can't hear me. And Lulu seems happy to share secrets.

It's a little overwhelming looking through her dresser. She's got lots of cute clothes. But then I find the perfect thing. A navy shirt that has pink sleeves with white dots. The shirt declares that she's sweet, smart and sassy.

"Just like your Mother." I tell Lulu with a grin. I pull out some fuzzy pants. They' have stripes but they are the same colors so I think this works. Sometimes it's hard to tell when it's okay to mix patterns and when it's not.

Once I have her dressed, we head back into the kitchen.

"Hey Baby doll!" Donna greets her with a kiss. She doesn't say anything about the outfit so I must have done okay. Either that or she's letting it slide because it's my birthday.

"Mama!"

Donna gives Lulu a grin. God help us when she starts asking for things. I don't know how we'll be able to resist. I hope she never asks for a pony.

"Ready to go?"

"Ready if you are."

I give the girls kisses and we part ways after we walk through the portico. I watch them go a bit wistfully. I used to go with them and spend a few extra minutes with them helping Lulu get settled in before Senior Staff, but we'd discovered that Donna efficiently dropping her off is a better routine to avoid separation anxiety. Both mine and Lulu's.

When I get to my office, I find a steaming Carmel Macchiato and a Brown Butter doughnut from my favorite place.

"Thank you Margaret!" I call out.

"Happy Birthday, Boss!"

I hope this is the entire breadth and width of my birthday celebration at the office. I've really tried to keep a lid on it. Only a few people know.

Of course Margaret does, because she knows everything. Last year, I had mixed feelings when I discovered that it was Margaret, not Donna, who had left the coffee and doughnut for me. When I had told Donna about my disappointment, she reminded me that my Assistant got me coffee and a doughnut for my birthday, my wife would give me a different sort of treat all together. That got me over my disappointment real fast.

Sam knows it's my birthday too. I've always been able to count on him not to make a fuss. As he walks in the door for Senior Staff, he takes a look at the doughnut that I'm savoring and says "Oh yeah. Best wishes." And that's it.

"Thanks man. Now, what's the latest on the Anti-Violence Against Women Act?"

"It's getting ready to come out of committee, and there's a problem with some of the language."

. . . . .

Last week was one of those weeks that didn't seem to end. Between the legislative agenda and the up-coming mid-term elections, I barely a moment to celebrate my birthday with my wife. Although we certainly made the most of the time we had.

There has been constant pressure from the DNC and candidates in close races to either fast-track or slow-down our agenda depending on how it affects them personally. The President has been jetting off to stump for candidates. We're trying to hang on to the house and maybe, possibly, take control of the Senate. I'm trying not to get too excited about the possibility of controlling both and imagining what we could accomplish! No need to tempt the wrath of the thing high atop the place.

Tonight it's time for a break. Of sorts. Helen and Donna insisted that we all go trick or treating together. It's funny, the last couple years I was anxious for the trick or treating photo op. Hell, I even remember on the campaign trail suggesting that we fly to another time zone for a second chance at it after Peter threw up. But now that it's my own daughter, I'm wondering if this is a good idea.

We've tried to keep her out of the press as much as possible. Bram and Annabeth have done a good job, and the press has been very respectful of Peter and Miranda's privacy. They seem to be including Lulu in the group of White House children to be protected, and for that I am grateful. The trade off is giving them occasional, staged access, usually around holidays.

At first, the ladies tried to convince us we could all be superheroes. Matt and I quickly nixed the idea of him in a Mr. Incredible costume. He earned himself a pretty good smack when he suggested that they go as the President and First Lady, but that she wear the Elasta-girl costume for him later.

Donna's choice for us isn't so bad. She bought Lulu a fuzzy Dalmatian costume and said we could be Roger and Anita from 101 Dalmatians. It's one of Lulu's favorite books. I can live with that. All I really need to pull it off is a sweater vest, a fedora and a brown jacket. Donna's got a curvy olive suit and a cute little black hat.

When I get upstairs I find my clothes have been laid out for me in the COS Bedroom. I see Donna's work clothes are hanging in the closet so she must have already changed. I bet she's off with Lulu getting pictures. I quickly get dressed so I can join them. I hope I don't take too much flack from Matt over this.

"Da-dee!" Lulu grins and calls out to me as soon as she sees me. Then she gets up on all fours and crawls over to me. She really does look like a little puppy. The photographer snaps away. These are going to be adorable pictures.

I sit down on the floor and she climbs into my lap and gives me a big smooch. "Aww, baby, I love you." I don't care how much flack I take from Matt. I'll wear a matching costume until she's 40 if she'll let me.

Donna joins us and we get a few more family pictures, then Miranda runs in. She's dressed as a ballerina complete with a giant pancake tutu. I wonder how she's going to fit in the limo.

"Do you like my costume Tio Josh?"

"Yes, Miranda you look very beautiful. Can you put on a dance for us?"

She twirls a few times and the photographer snaps photos, grinning the whole time. I did just make her job a lot easier there.

A few minutes later Peter comes in. He's dressed as a fighter pilot. Well, very gender stereotypical costumes, but otherwise unobjectionable. I'll take it.

"Nice costume, Peter."

"Whatever."

Hmmm, I sense a little attitude. Ever since he started Junior High he's been pushing back a little. The teen years. Yikes.

"What's wrong buddy?"

"None of my friends are going trick or treating or wearing costumes, and I hafta. And I'm probably going to be in the paper. AND on top of that I didn't even get to be what I wanted."

Well. That's quite a list. I wonder if I can fix any of this.

"What did you want to be?"

"The Joker from The Dark Knight."

Nope, can't help him there. I definitely don't want him dressed up as a villain for family photos.

"I think being a fighter pilot is pretty cool. And I'm wearing a costume too. I'm Roger from 101 Dalamations."

"Those just look like regular clothes to me."

"Do you want me to talk to your Dad about letting you just wear regular clothes?"

"No." He sighs "if I've got to do this I might as well get some candy out of the deal. Plus I think my Dad was pretty happy to have me use some of his uniform."

"Okay. Thanks for being a good sport. We'll see if we can't exclude you from this photo op next year."

"Thanks Tio Josh."

Shortly after that Matt and Helen join us. Neither of them is wearing a costume. I really do sort of get where Peter's coming from.

The First Family gets a few family photos and then we head down to the Motorcade. Helen is carrying Miranda's tutu so I guess that answers that question. As they slide into the Limo, I put Lulu in her car seat in our SUV as Donna goes around to the other side. Then I climb beside her. I quickly finish buckling Lulu as we start moving. Then I give Donna the look and she puts her seatbelt on too. Donna doesn't think it's necessary when we are actually part of the Presidential motorcade, but I do. You never know what could happen. And for Lulu's sake we need to consistently put her in her car seat and model good behavior by using our own seat belts. I'm non-negotiable on this.

Since there is no traffic it doesn't take nearly as long as normal to get out to Tacoma Park. Andy is up for reelection, so this is a combination photo op and campaign event. I can't wait to see all the kids together.

This is also a chance to have Matt and Toby meet. He's still a bit radio-active for the President, but I think if Matt actually meets Toby he might actually like him and see him for a person. I consider them both friends and I'd like them to be able to be in the same room together. Toby is a little disappointed not to be joining the trick or treating but at least he'll be there to see the Twins costumes.

After the agents clear the house, Andy greets us with her normal zeal. She's dressed as the Cat in the Hat. And she's making it look good. Not too sexy, but not too cartoonish. Whoever's doing her PR stuff is doing a good job. A few minutes later the twins run into the room. They are dressed up as Thing 1 and Thing 2, complete with blue wigs. They are adorable.

"Uncle Josh! Aunt Donna!" They each wrap themselves around one of our legs.

"Hello Thing 1!" I greet the twin attached to my knees.

"I'm Molly." Of course. I could tell, and even if I couldn't I could have guessed that she'd be Thing 1. Huck pretty much just follows her lead.

"Hi Huck." I greet him as well. "Nice hair."

When Miranda comes out of the bathroom with her tutu on, she immediately takes the Twins attention away from us. Miranda's 7 is just enough older than Molly's Five and a half that they can play together pretty well, but that Miranda clearly has the upper hand. Molly and Huck don't seem to mind and Miranda has so few playmates she doesn't care either.

I use the opportunity to join Matt and Toby in the living room.

"Hey man, good to see you. How's the fall semester going?"

"Most of my students are idiots, but there are a couple of bright ones."

"Outstanding."

"So what about the professors?"

"Them too."

"That's why we need to end Teacher tenure." Matt interjects. "Teacher who are idiots shouldn't be allow to teach just because they've managed to flew under the radar long enough."

Toby chuckles. "Well, the Teacher's unions are NEVER going to support that. They'll say that tenure protects good teachers from being fired for inappropriate reasons."

"But it also protects bad teachers from being fired for perfectly valid reasons." Matt volleys back.

"There are grounds and ways to fire tenured teachers when there is sufficient cause."

"But how often does that happen?"

"I don't know. I haven't studied the data. I'm fairly new to this profession. But I can tell you this, you aren't making many friends up there."

"I didn't do this to make friends."

"Well, you're going need a few to get re-elected, otherwise you better get a move on with your agenda, and hope it doesn't get reversed the minute you're out of office."

Matt just stares at Toby a minute. Then he breaks into a grin. "You've got no problem telling truth to power, do you?"

"No, sir."

"Daddy! It's time to trick or treat." Miranda interrupts the discussion.

"Okay, sweetheart." Matt stands up and then looks at Toby. "We aren't done with this conversation yet. Why don't you join us, Toby?"

"Thanks, but not during an election year for Andy. At least not yet. I'm not glowing quite as brightly these days, but I don't want to take any chances. I'll be here when you get back."

This is why I'd admire both these men. Matt Santos is his own man but he's open to ideas. I hope Toby can see that. And Toby is doing right by Andy and the kids the best he can. I'm pretty proud of him too.

Once we start actually trick or treating Peter gets into the spirit of it. I remember this age, wanting to be a man, but still most of the time feeling so young. Hell, sometimes I still feel that way.

Andy's neighbors each give the kids large handfuls of candy. So even though we only stop at the 8 houses that have been vetted by the secret service, the kids buckets are almost full. It may have been a completely staged event but I don't think they have any complaints. I wonder how much of Lulu's candy I can get away with eating.

Back at the house, Miranda, Peter, Huck and Molly spread out and start counting and sorting their haul.

While Donna changes Lulu into pajamas, I join Matt and Toby in the den for a drink.

"There are some serious trade negotiations occurring in the other room." I tell them as Toby hands me a beer.

"Free trade creates better paying jobs." Toby offers with a smirk.

I can't help but grimace. I'm relieved that I'm not working for a Free Trader anymore. "You know it's more complicated than that, Toby."

Helen pokes her head into the room "Enough shop talk. It's time for us to get going. Miranda wants Molly to spend the night. Andy said it's up to you, Toby. I know you've only got them on the weekends."

"Yeah, it's fine. Huck and I will have a little one on one time tomorrow."

"Great. You and Andy can pick her up tomorrow afternoon."

"You want _me_ to come to the White House?" Toby looks from Helen to Matt in surprise, while Helen uses her eyebrow on Matt to send a message that it's time to let Toby back in.

Finally, Matt responds. "Yes, you should come pick her up. We can finish our talk about Teacher tenure."

"Okay."

On the way home, Lulu drinks her bottle then falls asleep. I'm not really surprised. I'm glad Donna told Steve to drive us straight home instead of stopping at the Residence.

I carry Lulu directly into the nursery and lay her down in her crib. I can't help but stare at her for a few minutes, running my hand over her auburn curls. "Goodnight baby girl. I love you so much." I whisper to her before I leave the room.

When I walk into the kitchen, I see that Donna is about to flip the calendar to November. My breath catches.

"Wait!"

Donna turns and looks at me in confusion. "What?"

"Don't turn the page to November. I'm not ready yet."

"Josh, what are you talking about?"

"When you turn the page, it'll be November and Lulu will be a year old. I'm just not ready yet."

I brace myself for Donna's teasing about how much more sentimental I am than she is, but her eyes are soft, and instead of turning the page on the calendar, she comes up and wraps her arms around me, and holds me securely.

"Josh. We can't stop time just by refusing to turn the calendar."

"I know."

"And we don't really want to stop her from growing up, do we? There so much more to life for her to discover! And we get to experience it with her. Aren't you looking forward to that?"

"Yeah, it's just that I blinked and the first year flew by! What if I blink again and she's heading to college?"

"I don't know." She smiles a bit sadly at me. "It might feel that way."

"Are you sure we can't stop time?"

"I'm sure. In three days she'll be a year old. Then it's mid-terms, then Lulu's Party. Then Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here before you know it. We just have to enjoy each moment in time for what it's worth."

"It's really been 12 Months?"

"Yes. It really has."

"Okay. Turn the page."


End file.
